Saltwater Yogis

The ocean is a shrine of interconnection, worship there often...
- Surf Yogis  

I am infinitely entertained by the strange workings of the universe (which I realize makes me sound like I might enjoy kissing third eye chakras)!

I say this because a lot of positive things have begun to unfurl in my life at the very moment I have embraced my vulnerability. It seems to me that life is a constant ebbing and flowing of tidal waters.  

Just as a wave crashes to its demise another one is rising up. 

After enduring several hours in the waiting room of my doctors surgery I was given a 20 page questionnaire to fill out. To give you an idea of the flavor of this task here is one of the questions:

'Have you ever considered suicide or self harm?' 

There were rather a lot of questions like that and to be perfectly honest I felt a bit of a fraud answering them. I don't entertain the idea of wanting to harm myself, its not that. I just want to talk to someone unbiased about my losses this year and a few unresolved issues from my past. I want to do this to save burdening my friends and family with information they don't need to hear. 

My Doctor is a wonderful Irish woman who was able to quickly identify I wasn't a danger or in need of dosing up I just needed to talk, so now I'm on a waiting list and hopefully will be seeing a counselor soon. 

Every fiber of my body cringes admitting that but I think for this very reason its important that I tell you. Modern society has made us susceptible to feeling blue, we're overworked, static and have too much time to think. 

Whilst in the Doctors surgery I observed the flow of patients, the sweet old couples still holding hands, the young and the fidgeting, it was a strange concoction of people. 

Through the turmoil I am recognizing the volume of wonderful people in my life. Antonio, family, friends everyone who has made this period that little bit more bearable. 

As ever I'm inspired by surfing and the salt water community and would like to take the opportunity to share some inspirations and likes of mine. 

Fashion

Gorgeous takes on the wetsuit alope.com.au

I love the retro but practical look of this bikini theseea.com

Love the boho vibe of this http://gypsealove.blogspot.co.uk/

Lifestyle 
 
Whats not to love about a community of water women?! For all your saltwater news, fashion and lifestyle, I've fallen for Salt Gypsy.

     





You know me I love anything fitness related especially if its free! Check out Wave Shape from the Calvera girls and some of the awesome yoga videos on youtube, here's a selection of my favorite. 

 

Tara Styles Yoga for fitness. 

 Get in wave shape! http://www.getinwaveshape.com/

Community 

I have found the mecca of all surf blogs, check out Mush Burger...

  *Warning* If you are easily distracted clicking on this site WILL cause procrastination.
You have been warned. Until next time water babies, 

Stay Strong, Surf Well 

Love Sophia  

xxx  


 

The Happiness State.

'It is possible that a starving African farmer has less sense of injustice than a middle-aged Western male who has never been fellated.' 
The Age of Absurdity, Michael Foley 

'One can live magnificently in this world. If one knows how to work and how to love, to work for the person one loves and to love one's work.' 
Tolstoy 

I am reading an excellent philosophy book (The Age of Absurdity) which has astutely recognized the impossibility of trying to define what happiness is, moreover its emphasised the sheer volume of definitions and how each one contradicts or cancels out the other. 

It therefore wouldn't be an exaggeration to admit that finding ones own solace in a modern world which tugs in various directions is an infinitely difficult task. 

Since I admitted on this here blog my struggles with happiness a strange thing has begun to occur. I've started to regenerate. That is to say I've tentatively begun to feel a measure of contentment. It is as though I've acknowledged that happiness is a fleeting and often nostalgic feeling and that by reflecting and recognizing this I give myself more opportunity to actually be happy. 

Alternative thought is that happiness isn't a state but a process, a continuous striving. Aristotle defined it as activity and the ancient Greek term eudaimonia translates roughly as flourishing - I like this idea to be happy is to flourish. 

I find this especially appealing because it has no attachments to material wealth or status, you can flourish at absolutely anything be it maintaining a herb garden or sitting by yourself watching the ocean.  

To me the simplest method of maintaining ones equilibrium is going for a walk. Travel however modest acts as a mirror and reflects back the thoughts and feelings we need to examine. Its also why surfing is such an integral part of my life, every part of the process is a journey which presents opportunity to be with myself and explore my own vulnerability. From the time I pack the rucksack, to the squeezing into of a wet suit, to the moment my body hits the water - I am an explorer discovering both my environment and the interior jungle which is my mind. 

At the nursing home where I am a supporter worker, the strawberry plant the service users and I have lovingly maintained, produced two perfect strawberries - it flourished. Yesterday I went for a walk with one of my best friends Craig into the woodlands, it was warm, quiet and a playground for two adventurous souls. One night when we thought my new perfume was aggravating my partners skin I without question jumped into the shower to scrub it off, a few minutes later I got a knock on the door and he joined me. 

Last night I attended the second meal out with an all female cast of acquaintances at a Thai restaurant in Birmingham. Although we're fairly new friends I started a conversation about a problem of mine and was delighted by the beautiful perspectives they all gave me. Each one of these interesting, diverse women took the time to analyse my predicament and produce their own interpretations. I looked around the table and felt monumentally grateful that I am both a woman and able to share my thoughts with other inspiring women.    

Today I rifled through my wardrobe relinquishing the feeling of attachment and donated all the clothes which don't fit, or I don't wear anymore to charity. Some items I will sell to afford my guinea pigs. 

You see, in life there are multiple opportunities to acknowledge small moments of beauty and derive a sense of wonder from them. 

On Friday I visit my doctor and will ask about being referred, I want to talk to someone and try to come to terms with old hurts and the pressures I place on myself. I like to think however that I've already entered a state of therapy by actively seeking out contentment in my everyday life. 

In the grand scheme of things of course I want to live by the ocean and be able to surf not once a month, but everyday if I so decided, but until that moment I chose to embrace all that I am, all that my life is and the pains which mould me. 

What does happiness mean to you? Tell me. Let's share and share alike. 

   

  

Until next time...

Stay strong, surf well 

Love Sophia

The F*%k It List.

I heard of the F!%k it list via a friend of mine and instantly fell in love with idea. Unlike the 'bucket list' which can lead towards being a little too inspirational (therefore more likely to be un-achievable), the F!%k it list is about setting yourself small goals which your actually going to be able to pursue. 

 For someone like me who has more ideas than hot meals this is the perfect antidote to fatigue. Whilst I'm fighting the blues this is exactly the kind of soft focus I need, enough direction so I feel like I'm moving forward, but not so much that I become overwhelmed and don't do anything! 


My F%*k it list looks a little like this: 

1. Be creative through art and writing but most importantly do it for fun, don't worry about making a career off of it, do it for pleasure. 

2. Own guinea pigs and if possible call them 'Bodhi and Utah' (Point Break ref there)! Keep them indoors so cuddles are on tap. 

3. Learn to drive. Think surf bus Soph. 

4. Surf in South America and Asia - I have the opportunity to go to Peru with a friend whose a national, why am I not chomping at the bit to do this?! 

5. Be stable enough for a dog and responsible enough for my own place. 

6. Get a tattoo - a seahorse on my ankle to begin with. 

7. Grow flowers and vegetables in every space available think rain forest indoors. 

8. Meditate and do yoga - because it controls your crazy. 

This is for 2013 and I hope I can start ticking off some of those ideas, all of them are achievable so its up to me to make them happen! 

What would be on your F!%k it lists? Let's start a dialogue, tell my what yours are dear readers... 

- In other news - 

I've been trying the highly recommended WaveShape 30 day challenge, which is an awesome work out routine for getting you surf ready. There's nothing like having the UK's #1 surfer girl as inspiration. Its free and the WaveShape gang even provide a a workout list on spotify which is awesome! 

DO IT. 

For the workout click here and for the spotify list click here 

Water women are nomadic, passionate and healthy beings, here's a homily to them here! 

  

Stay strong, surf well! 

Love Sophia 

Murmurs of a Mermaid *Guest Blogger*

I have the privilege of introducing a guest blogger - another mermaid, who has woven beautiful heartfelt words to embrace your weary hearts. Her piece is called 'Changing Tides' and is a homily to water written through her own experiences. She charts a personal transition in her life, and like all water women, is able to reflect upon those hardships through the metaphor of sea water.

This is a real treat and I think a feature I would like to continue, if you wish to write anonymously (or named) then please get in touch with the heading 'Murmurs of a Mermaid,' about anything that inspires you so we can all share collectively. Mahalo.  

So without further ado....

"Changing of the tides"

I made a decision seventeen days ago. I decided I wanted to go out into the world again. I wanted to feel, to experience, to risk almost everything, to be afraid and to do it anyway. I wanted change, I needed a new horizon.

I sit here, seventeen days later. I have one less relationship in my life. A relationship that brought me huge amounts of comfort, of solace, of stability and of serenity.
But it brought me no risk. No action. No challenge to my way of being in the world. No change in the greater sense.

I was at a point in my life – five and a half years into a relationship, three years out of University, eighteen months into personal psychotherapy – where I was cresting. I spent days and nights in constant tension – uncomfortable, not knowing what it was exactly, but knowing something had to give.

When it happened, it was a sudden, surreal rush. It wasn't that I knew what was going to happen, or how it would work, but I was plunging onward. I was surrendering to the inner wave of emotion that has been within me for a very long time.

I have always felt that I have a lot of pain. I find things that soothe that pain – guitar playing, watching the sea, writing, singing, knitting, (surfing sometimes!) – repetitive, creative, beautiful, safe things. They soothe the pain and the rage inside me, the things I have bottled and labelled and neatly stowed away beneath the surface.

I have been revisiting those jars lately, and systematically and calmly smashing them to pieces. And, because of all the glass flying around, and my fear that it would get someone hurt, that I decided I needed some time and space on my own to really work things out.

I don’t want to be an apothecary of still, stagnant liquids. I want to be a fluid, moving ocean of feeling and living and dreaming.

So I am moving with my internal momentum. To pastures new. To other waves. To clearer waters, hopefully.

I am inspired and awed by the openness, sweetness and creativity of my dear friend Sophia. I read her blog (as you are now) with delight at her joy and trepidation and sympathy for her struggles. She is one of the great people who is an open book – she lets the world impact her, embraces the experience, feels everything and then lives through it and moves on to the next adventure. I aspire to be like that. We can all learn a lot from Soph.

- Written by a Mermaid. 

Relentless Optimism.

If I've learnt anything its that we're all freaks deep down! Everyone is an anxious, nervous, worried being with issues and this is nothing new. I've found great solace in sharing how I feel and have already had positive feedback from people who are identifying and making me realize not being ok is actually ok! I thought I was an isolated incident but it turns out a lot of people I know feel overwhelmed and struggle sometimes with the grand scheme of things. 

Today I feel worried, despite having the pleasure of seeing two friends (who'd come all the way from the Isle of Man), I couldn't help but feel like I was trying to swallow back feeling of inertia. I'm scared for what follows, I fear the simpering looks my parents are giving me, they're worried and I don't want to be a burden. I fear probably most of all that I've ruined a relationship, that I've broken us and we won't be the same anymore.  

I have to remind myself I'm on track now, admitting vulnerability is the largest obstacle but now that I've done that I can begin to sort myself out. Today I did yoga and made myself sit still long enough to do some meditation  Mindfulness is a truly wonderful thing and a powerful tool in combating negative emotions. Whilst its not going to solve all my problems its given me a small window of peace where I can luxuriate in the simple mechanism of my lungs filling and emptying of air. 

As always surfing is providing me with focus, as I'm nowhere near the sea I've been watching videos on surfgirlmag.com and came across the inspiring Schazin Schatzi a Roxy 'Dare Yourself' finalist who made me realize not having things sussed is actually part of the adventure. She's coined the term 'Relentless Optimism' and I've fallen in love with the tenacity of this idea. 

 

She's kind of awesome isn't she. I knew you'd like her. 

These videos are reminding me that solidarity is an important part of healing, because you aren't an individual in your suffering. Suffering is what we all share in common and its together than we can learn to live with our pains and cherish our happiness. 

I hope dear reader you are able to confide in me or that by reading a little about my life I might help you with your own. Its scary as hell admitting my vulnerability but I feel a grain of determination for acknowledging this side of myself and overcoming it. 

Mahalo. 

Sophia 

22:18

This is the hardest blog post I've ever had to write and in a few months time it will probably be the hardest to read too.  

22:18 is the time I decided to admit that actually I'm not ok, truthfully I haven't been ok for a while now and I think its time to do something about that.

The truth is I'm sad. 

The kind of sadness that makes you manically exercise to distract yourself from feeling so much, or starve/binge because you are so overwhelmed you need to control something in the chaos of your life. Sadness makes me consider a million fantastical ideas, becoming a yoga teacher, moving to Bristol, running my own business, doing a masters but nothing ever comes to fruition because I am not in the mindset to make such big commitments.

In truth I have lost my passion. I often look upon my boyfriend, an accomplished artist and whilst every membrane of my body is proud and happy for him, a curl of envy exists within me. Not because I desire to do what he does, or have his salary, I am envious not because he's interesting but because he's interested. 

He has found the thing in the world that makes him happy and passionate. It doesn't matter that he's sometimes tired or overworked because he's found peace of mind doing and being exactly who he is, his passion helps him through those moments.

I crave that so much, its like an unquenchable thirst and the more I try to find what I think my purpose in life is the more desperate and confused I get, furthering myself from understanding anything.

This year alone two people I know died, one committed suicide and the other was mauled to death by tigers. Mauled to death by tigers. I cannot even begin to understand these situations, instead I push my sadness down and try not to dwell. Except you can't bury hurt like that, because it haunts you in the time when you first open your eyes and the last moments before sleep. Sadness finds me. 

 I am overwhelmed by people's misery, much like that character in Green Mile who took in the world's pains I feel like sometimes my head is going to explode with compassion. I am bothered for days when my friends confide their troubles in me I desperately want to make them happy, I don't stop thinking about the service users I care for when I clock out and I find it incredibly difficult to discuss the injustices I've witnessed in Africa. I have seen poverty first hand, children sleeping on pavements alone, how do you see something like that and return to 'normality' afterwards?

Today I had a long discussion with my boyfriend and saw myself reflected back as inpatient, intolerable and someone I infinitely disliked. I had made him unhappy and he'd carried that around for a while trying to accommodate my disarray. I feel the most wretched person in the wide world, horrified that I have caused another human being to feel like that, let alone the person I love. Love isn't three letter words its about making changes and I endeavor to get the help I need so I'm not a negative impact in someones life, especially his. 

For the time being I don't know whether that means I just need yoga & meditation or actually talking to a professional but I know I need to take charge before I spiral.

Dear reader, it has taken every scrap of courage in the alcoves of my heart to admit that I'm struggling and need help. I've told you because I think all of us need a reminder of our humanity, that its ok to not be ok. For a long time I was afriad that if I admitted I wasn't perfect I'd lose respect both for myself and from others. In actuality if you can look at adversity, acknowledge your vulnerability and then decide to do something about that then it is you who is strong.

I am still the positive hippie girl I am and always will be because in darkness I'm obstinately refusing to lose hope, I'm just learning that I don't have to hold the coat hanger grin all of the time up when my heart is heavy. 

Now is for talking, for sharing, creating and above all surfing. 

There is strength in saltwater:

Sweat, Tears and Sea. 

Mahalo for reading my post tonight, it helps me knowing your out there and I endeavor to write about my experiences in the hope it might help someone else too. 

Stay strong, surf well

Love
Sophia 

Chasing the wave.

'You were once wild here. Don't let them tame you.' 
                                                                         - Isadora Duncan

Is it a bit too obvious to use the metaphor of chasing waves as a homily to life?  Perhaps, but I do think water nicely illustrates the struggles we endure for those small moments of happiness (or when we manage to pop up nicely onto our board and travel down the face of a wave -wipe out free)!

Bob Dylan once wrote 'the wild unknown...where I could do no wrong,' the expanse of uncharted waters, places we've never been before. It is the wilderness of yet another decision that I find myself in and characteristically that familiar indecisiveness resurfaces. 

Every fiber of my body feels poised and ready for change, for years I have talked and waxed lyrical about adventure, about wanting to live voraciously and every time I have come to a juncture where change is a real possibility I retreated back into my day dreaming and found excuses not to do these things. The worst thing is I feel like its becoming a habit. When I have ideas I see my family and friends look upwards for half a second and I know instantly they think its another false start, Sophia is hypothesizing again. I don't blame them, I talk A LOT about things that I hope to accomplish, that I think might work. Sometimes ideas naturally come to a conclusion, something doesn't work out or it isn't feasible realistically. But more often than not I get cold feet and back out as opposed to real barriers being in my way. 

Dear reader, it must feel there's a lot of smoke and mirrors to this conversation today so please allow me to elaborate. Yesterday I traveled down to Bristol for a job interview. It was with another care company except this role is as an enabler, which basically means I'd be helping people with learning difficulties live independent lives i.e. getting jobs, meaningful activities and integrating into the community. The minute I walked into the place things clicked, I got on with the interviewers like a house of fire and I stayed an extra twenty minutes afterwards just talking with them about life. 

I really loved the vibe of the place and as I walked around Bristol I could see myself fashioning a life there. During a property search I even found a cottage with it's own horses I can borrow! One of the interviewers told me she's Devon based and commutes in,  -potentially I could be as little as 40 minutes away from the ocean - eventually when I have my driving license whose not to say its me that lives in Devon and commutes into Bristol! 

 (Below) Wall art from around Bristol City. 

I left Bristol feeling exuberant and certain of my decision to relocate. Its getting me in the right place for the masters, its an adventure and its independent living all the things I'm striving for. 

Except I didn't think about the realities of long distance on my relationship. I think I've suppressed thoughts about the logistics of a move to Bristol because I needed to understand my own motivations first. Do I really want put my fledgling relationship under that kind of pressure. Antonio has been wonderful, I mean he's been so supportive and has said adamantly that I should follow my dreams - he's kind of wonderful like that. 

In a way that's made things harder because the decision really is down to me now. I've had a little negative feedback about moving, I guess people can't understand why I'm uprooting my life to go do a job that's very similar to the one I've got here. 

Partly its because it means I can volunteer at Bristol Zoo, earn more money, set myself up for the masters I hope to accomplish next year. But its also for the adventure of it, for the challenge. Travel acts as a mirror, it reflects back your strengths and weaknesses and helps you find that innate power we all have curdling under the surface. 

I have this knot in my stomach, its time for me to make another decision and I flounder at the thought of taking action. I've grown up in a generation where we have too many choices, too many paths to investigate. I adore the freedom of choice but on occasion the infinite possibilities are overwhelming. 

I'm about to go for a run which I hope will bring me some clarity. We have to be kind to ourselves don't we so when there's decisions to be made we are in the right frame of mind to make the best choice for ourselves. 

Until next time 

Stay strong, surf well 

Love Sophia 

Me attempting to row in Stratford-upon-Avon 

I found this under my bed a box of dog things I'd collected for when I have my own dog! 

Extreme yoga!