Relentless Optimism.

If I've learnt anything its that we're all freaks deep down! Everyone is an anxious, nervous, worried being with issues and this is nothing new. I've found great solace in sharing how I feel and have already had positive feedback from people who are identifying and making me realize not being ok is actually ok! I thought I was an isolated incident but it turns out a lot of people I know feel overwhelmed and struggle sometimes with the grand scheme of things. 

Today I feel worried, despite having the pleasure of seeing two friends (who'd come all the way from the Isle of Man), I couldn't help but feel like I was trying to swallow back feeling of inertia. I'm scared for what follows, I fear the simpering looks my parents are giving me, they're worried and I don't want to be a burden. I fear probably most of all that I've ruined a relationship, that I've broken us and we won't be the same anymore.  

I have to remind myself I'm on track now, admitting vulnerability is the largest obstacle but now that I've done that I can begin to sort myself out. Today I did yoga and made myself sit still long enough to do some meditation  Mindfulness is a truly wonderful thing and a powerful tool in combating negative emotions. Whilst its not going to solve all my problems its given me a small window of peace where I can luxuriate in the simple mechanism of my lungs filling and emptying of air. 

As always surfing is providing me with focus, as I'm nowhere near the sea I've been watching videos on surfgirlmag.com and came across the inspiring Schazin Schatzi a Roxy 'Dare Yourself' finalist who made me realize not having things sussed is actually part of the adventure. She's coined the term 'Relentless Optimism' and I've fallen in love with the tenacity of this idea. 

 

She's kind of awesome isn't she. I knew you'd like her. 

These videos are reminding me that solidarity is an important part of healing, because you aren't an individual in your suffering. Suffering is what we all share in common and its together than we can learn to live with our pains and cherish our happiness. 

I hope dear reader you are able to confide in me or that by reading a little about my life I might help you with your own. Its scary as hell admitting my vulnerability but I feel a grain of determination for acknowledging this side of myself and overcoming it. 

Mahalo. 

Sophia