Tuesday 30 April 2013

The Pirate's life for me.

 
































Ok, so technically speaking, living on a Narrowboat in the middle of England isn't quite the same as pillaging the seven seas. 

- However -


As a land locked surfer the thought of living upon any kind of water, sends a little shiver of excitement down my spine. The romance of it all seems deliciously fun and the prospect of independence makes me almost insatiable for my own boat. 

I crave independence from the family nest (although I dearly love their company) and working in a job which pays pittances, living afloat seems a viable finacial option for me as an individual. 

Saturday I'm due to go see a boat, its more money than I have so I'm having to explore loans etc, which in itself is terrifying. I believe in micro-finance however, that the responsibility of having to pay back your dues enables you to learn how to budget effectively and provides the pressure you need to ensure that you actually do so. I'm weird in that I like budgeting and saving and I probably need more practice at it!


I'm not sure how the reality will pan out of being a liveaboard, or for that matter how my 6ft boyfriend will feel about coming to stay with me on a boat. My answer to that is 'Ahoy Me Hearties!' 





As an adult I firmly believe you have to strive out into the unknown, you need to be brave and take chances because otherwise you'll never discover what your really made of. At this point I feel ready for a new challenge and whilst my life is irrevocably entwined in the city I'd like to adapt to being an urbanite in a way which embraces my yearning to be rural and sustainable. 



I guess like all my ideas. Watch this space. 


Stay strong, surf well


Monday 29 April 2013

Somewhat reluctantly I washed the sea water out of my hair today and the last remnants of a perfect weekend.

At last the Land Locked Surfers Club held its maiden voyage to Saltburn (UK) and on its completion I can honestly say this feeling of bliss will last me a while. The goofy smile I've held from the moment I arrived hasn't left my face and the kind souls we met, I hope are enduring friendships.  

I've yet to write a full article on the experience so I don't want to gush too much here, instead I want to share with you a few photos I took intermittently between surfing. My good friend Jemima was photographer for the weekend so much more professional shots are to come soon. 

To summarize the weekend was: 

Enlightening, Hilarious, Sunny, Lovely. 

Go down to the sea and tell what it is that you want to be

I will love this view irrevocably. 

Happiness is a Sophia by the sea. 


The customary toes shot! 

Jemima the photographer spotting a photo opportunity. 

Surfers hug. 

I'll never tire of this place. 





A photo that went askew but I adore anyway!

   





































The Land Locked surfers Club is an inclusive group, so if your interested in joining to hang out with some like minded people, then please do come and find us on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/626470867379148/ 

We're aiming to head to The Gower May/June so come and find us there!

Peace, good karma and all that shalom 

Love 

Sophia 






Monday 22 April 2013

Monday Love.

























I knew I needed to listen to myself. My aching lower back and my equally weary soul were telling me hit the mat, to go get my yoga on and sort myself out. 

Losing my friend Joey has had two completely opposite effects on me, at one end of the scale I am listless, exhausted and really not having much interest in food at the moment. On the other hand I'm feeling charged and inspired, as though Joey's passing is a massive wake up call to live everyday with intention. I fluctuate between these two states hourly with bouts of sobbing in between. 

A loss of life is a difficult concept for us to comprehend but it feels even more hopelessly complicated when the being dying is someone young. Its like something is wrong with the universe and this uncomfortable feeling sits acidic like in my stomach as I try to understand my grief. 

So this morning on the third day of being off from work I rose early and knew I needed to go straight into a yoga practice. Ordinarily I'm unable to do much without a cup of tea and breakfast but this morning felt different, I wanted to breath deeply into every corner of my body and notice every minute twitch of muscle or creaking of bone. 

I meditated thinking of the ocean, feeling the board underneath my hips and the energy of the wave propelling me forward. I also thought about being really present, feeling the earth underneath me, the birds singing in the trees outside, even the slight warmth the British weather is trying its best to omit.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about a line in the book 
The Invitation' by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. 

You don't have to earn love.

I often feel guilty for not being 100% positive all of the time, for burdening my loved ones with my feelings of sadness or inadequacy but these people love me for who I am not what I do. I don't have to earn their love by being perfect. The same as my friends don't have to earn my love by their actions, you can't earn love you just have to have the courage to let love take you where it will. 


I think I can finally tell you plainly that Antonio and I are back together. Our reunion has taught me that love may not always be rainbows and butterflies but that deep compassion you feel for another person is respect and you can honor them by allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to make mistakes and above all be honest. Ant has really been there for me during my grieving of Joey and I can admit I haven't been the easiest of people to be around. I want the world to know that I'm grateful and lucky to call him both best friend and boyfriend. 







































So anyway. 

I've found myself starting to get frustrated with the logistics of my support worker job. Although its incredibly rewarding in terms of the people I care for the low wages and back breaking long hours were starting to chip at my enthusiasm. I never ever thought I'd be someone preoccupied with money but a lack of it suddenly becomes an all consuming thought. This is neither good, nor healthy so I have begun to manually counteract these negative thoughts by doing several things. 

1. Look Up through my window. 


(Above)Good morning world.  

Despite wanting desperately to live independently from my parents I'm incredibly lucky to have a little room in the loft where I sleep under the sky light window. I think I'll always love waking up to sky and feeling like I'm outdoors when I'm really inside. This is a simple pleasure that I endeavor to cherish. 

2.Be Mindful.

Lately I've taken to going on random walks with my dog. In his old age Jack the imaginatively named Jack Russell is disliking walks more and more but both of us seem to ease into a comfortable pace which allows me time to really absorb being in the here and now. I enjoy having technology but I severely dislike how moments of reflection can be ruined by the urge to go check facebook or email. They can WAIT. Savour being in the here and now. 

3. Eat Well. 


(Above)Green & mint tea and Japanese food at Mount Fuji in Birmingham UK.  

I need to really make sure I'm fueling my body well especially because not eating isn't going to enable me to surf or work well. If I'm lacking in appetite then I must ensure I opt for small meals of the good stuff to stay healthy and connected.


4. Be inspired by fun things. 

Here are some films, pictures etc which have been making me smile! I will always love hippies and I suppose class myself as adhering to that fraternity more than others! 


 
Sunray Kelly what a hero. 

 



 


 

I challenge you not to smile at this! 









   




































Stay strong, surf well 

Thursday 18 April 2013

Motorway Meditations.

Listening to British Sea Power:
When a warm wind blows through the grass.



Somewhere on the M40 between London and Birmingham I started to meditate. I was returning from a day out in the capital having gone to see Matt, a kindred spirit from my University days. 
Over cups of tea (he had a coffee), we mused about the hopeless dreamers we once were, him the intrepid traveler and me the hippie chick, both of us so full of idealism. We're still those people just a little stronger, a little wearier perhaps. 

Fueled by our conversations I was inspired to reflect and dedicate some time to trying to figure out my true desires, what I want out of life, what it is I'm striving for exactly. Finally phone less (the battery died) and mp3 player free I had the time and space to delve into the alcoves of my mind and try to discover what it is I yearn for (and try to overcome my endless career turmoil)!

At the end of my life I want to feel that I have loved well. I want to surround myself with dear people and find a purpose I can dedicate myself to. I want to love what I do and feel a sense of fulfillment and whilst I know I'll endure pain and suffering, (that is an inevitable part of life), I'll be looking for lessons to be learnt.
What I hope for is being able to identify my desires and overcome my fears. Above all I want to open my heart so I have the capacity to love deeply and without borders. 

During my meditation I (unsurprisingly) found myself in the ocean. I imagined every minute detail from the exertion in my arms to the somersault my belly has when I manage to stand up successfully. I visualized myself surfing well, feeling confident in my turning and I resurfaced from my meditation smiling. Whilst surfing certainly isn't something I talked about to my careers adviser in school I realize its become something of a driving force in my life. 

With all the self belief in the world I know I can't make a career out of being a professional surfer, I'm not good enough! Neither am I skilled in something complimentary such as photography, or graphic design. 
My passion is and will always be (to a greater or lesser extent) animals, wildlife, nature. Pocahontus and The Lion King will always be my favorite Disney films, I'm not scared of being in woods by myself, hearing seagulls makes me smile, I'll always look for pavement flowers and I will irreovocably, until the end of time, be filled with immeasurable happiness when I am out in wilderness. 

I keep thinking turning down the Wildlife Conservation masters was the wrong decision. The decision was made for me because I am poor and masters are expensive, I wish education wasn't as cut and dry as this but money = academia. I'm not sure if I want to try and be a vet, or a wildlife conservationist I just want to do something environmentally minded. I feel low that my dreams are tapered by finances that quite frankly terrify me. £9000 a year. Geez. 

So. I go walking and try to clear my head. The dreams are tangible I just need to figure out the details. 

And breathe. 

Reflections.










 



Hello Birmingham. 
  
<3




Sunday 14 April 2013

Blast from the past.







































Joey's death has caused me to think reflectively about a lot of things lately. Being as its Sunday and there's time and space for contemplation the family and I decided to get out old photo albums and look back at times gone by. Its a very weird sensation seeing yourself at various life stages, it reminds you of your old dreams and aspirations and how much potential you really do have still... 

I had a very idyllic childhood growing up, my parents were/are still deeply in love and my memories are often garden based or about all the pets we had. Its not a stretch of the imagination to understand my current obsession with the natural world therefore! 















Art in your pants, still fun. 
 
Rocking dungarees before hipsters adopted them.























I cringed as I started to come across the teenage photos, I remember it being a particularly grotty period of my life namely spots and bullying. I maintain to this day however that I was a much nicer person back then. At that time I felt like my outside appearance wasn't all that great, so I made a special effort to ensure that my personality made up for it. As for the bullying that weirdly gave me strength and determination to do well and prove those bullies wrong. I wasn't just the geek or the weird girl who talked about environmentalism too much!



Of course I'm still that girl, I can't change those things but now I feel like I own it, I've grown into the person I'm supposed to be. So what if I'm a massive geek and eco chick!? 
I'm very sensitive to other people's moods and I care deeply if I think I've upset someone, but thanks to being bullied I am very good at not letting negative people get to me too much. Sure I have my moments, who doesn't, but I wear what I want, have my own opinions and feel that I'm a very tolerant, open minded person. 

Prom (and the bargain dress I got from the Chinese Quarter of town)!
As a twenty something very much trekking through the wilderness years I often find myself deeply contemplative about what direction I want to go in life. What do I want to be when I grow up? You'll discover archiving just a few of my past blog posts will quickly tell you of my general indecisiveness around this subject! 

Whilst I'm currently loving my support worker role I know this isn't forever. Its a back breaking, heart melting, wonderful, low paid, awful, glorious job. I feel my purpose has and will always be giving a voice to nature and striving to protect all her beautiful creatures. That being said, being a support worker is helping me empathize massively with others and stop thinking about myself all the time (she's says whilst writing a very self indulgent blog)! 
The beauty of this stop gap job is the space its giving me to think about what I really want to do in life. I'm broke but I'm not destitute, I've got enough cash in my back pocket to start saving away to help make more concrete plans. 

*MUST LEARN HOW TO DRIVE*

(...and no not motorbikes this time Sophia)!

For a very long time my goal in life was to be a vet. At 14 I was already career minded and volunteered in a veterinary surgery every Friday for two years. I cleaned out stomach tubes, helped a cat give birth, comforted a dog before it was sedated, fed a hedgehog, I did all sorts. Then at 16 I became a zoo keeper. Practically I was ready to be a vet but then A-level chemistry happened. And Biology. And Physics. Despite having a tutor, revising so much that I hardly ever got out the house, I still didn't make it. 

Loosing out to veterinary science was my first big heartbreak. 

Now I'm older, wiser and possibly have more potential to get into vet school, I'm wondering if five years of slog and debt is a possibility hmmmm...
As ever this is another idea of a million that I have. But I'm enjoying having time to explore all of my dreams because one day they might just bear fruit!

What did you want to be when you were young and have you achieved your goal? 

Everybody Wear Sunscreen.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life...

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium.


- Baz Luhrmann 




The house that made me!


Ruby rat one of my great friends!


I was destined for Buddhism...






































Stay strong, surf well