I knew I needed to listen to myself. My aching lower back and my equally weary soul were telling me hit the mat, to go get my yoga on and sort myself out.
Losing my friend Joey has had two completely opposite effects on me, at one end of the scale I am listless, exhausted and really not having much interest in food at the moment. On the other hand I'm feeling charged and inspired, as though Joey's passing is a massive wake up call to live everyday with intention. I fluctuate between these two states hourly with bouts of sobbing in between.
A loss of life is a difficult concept for us to comprehend but it feels even more hopelessly complicated when the being dying is someone young. Its like something is wrong with the universe and this uncomfortable feeling sits acidic like in my stomach as I try to understand my grief.
So this morning on the third day of being off from work I rose early and knew I needed to go straight into a yoga practice. Ordinarily I'm unable to do much without a cup of tea and breakfast but this morning felt different, I wanted to breath deeply into every corner of my body and notice every minute twitch of muscle or creaking of bone.
I meditated thinking of the ocean, feeling the board underneath my hips and the energy of the wave propelling me forward. I also thought about being really present, feeling the earth underneath me, the birds singing in the trees outside, even the slight warmth the British weather is trying its best to omit.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about a line in the book
The Invitation' by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.
You don't have to earn love.
I often feel guilty for not being 100% positive all of the time, for burdening my loved ones with my feelings of sadness or inadequacy but these people love me for who I am not what I do. I don't have to earn their love by being perfect. The same as my friends don't have to earn my love by their actions, you can't earn love you just have to have the courage to let love take you where it will.
So anyway.
I've found myself starting to get frustrated with the logistics of my support worker job. Although its incredibly rewarding in terms of the people I care for the low wages and back breaking long hours were starting to chip at my enthusiasm. I never ever thought I'd be someone preoccupied with money but a lack of it suddenly becomes an all consuming thought. This is neither good, nor healthy so I have begun to manually counteract these negative thoughts by doing several things.
1. Look Up through my window.
(Above)Good morning world.
Despite wanting desperately to live independently from my parents I'm incredibly lucky to have a little room in the loft where I sleep under the sky light window. I think I'll always love waking up to sky and feeling like I'm outdoors when I'm really inside. This is a simple pleasure that I endeavor to cherish.
2.Be Mindful.
Lately I've taken to going on random walks with my dog. In his old age Jack the imaginatively named Jack Russell is disliking walks more and more but both of us seem to ease into a comfortable pace which allows me time to really absorb being in the here and now. I enjoy having technology but I severely dislike how moments of reflection can be ruined by the urge to go check facebook or email. They can WAIT. Savour being in the here and now.
3. Eat Well.
I need to really make sure I'm fueling my body well especially because not eating isn't going to enable me to surf or work well. If I'm lacking in appetite then I must ensure I opt for small meals of the good stuff to stay healthy and connected.
4. Be inspired by fun things.
Here are some films, pictures etc which have been making me smile! I will always love hippies and I suppose class myself as adhering to that fraternity more than others!
Sunray Kelly what a hero.
I challenge you not to smile at this!
Stay strong, surf well
X
No comments:
Post a Comment