The Surf Yogini: Chasing the wave.

'You were once wild here. Don't let them tame you.'
- Isadora Duncan

Is it a bit too obvious to use the metaphor of chasing waves as a homily to life? Perhaps, but I do think water nicely illustrates the struggles we endure for those small moments of happiness (or when we manage to pop up nicely onto our board and travel down the face of a wave -wipe out free)!

Bob Dylan once wrote 'the wild unknown...where I could do no wrong,' the expanse of uncharted waters, places we've never been before. It is the wilderness of yet another decision that I find myself in and characteristically that familiar indecisiveness resurfaces.

Every fiber of my body feels poised and ready for change, for years I have talked and waxed lyrical about adventure, about wanting to live voraciously and every time I have come to a juncture where change is a real possibility I retreated back into my day dreaming and found excuses not to do these things. The worst thing is I feel like its becoming a habit. When I have ideas I see my family and friends look upwards for half a second and I know instantly they think its another false start, Sophia is hypothesizing again. I don't blame them, I talk A LOT about things that I hope to accomplish, that I think might work. Sometimes ideas naturally come to a conclusion, something doesn't work out or it isn't feasible realistically. But more often than not I get cold feet and back out as opposed to real barriers being in my way.

Dear reader, it must feel there's a lot of smoke and mirrors to this conversation today so please allow me to elaborate. Yesterday I traveled down to Bristol for a job interview. It was with another care company except this role is as an enabler, which basically means I'd be helping people with learning difficulties live independent lives i.e. getting jobs, meaningful activities and integrating into the community. The minute I walked into the place things clicked, I got on with the interviewers like a house of fire and I stayed an extra twenty minutes afterwards just talking with them about life.

I really loved the vibe of the place and as I walked around Bristol I could see myself fashioning a life there. During a property search I even found a cottage with it's own horses I can borrow! One of the interviewers told me she's Devon based and commutes in, -potentially I could be as little as 40 minutes away from the ocean - eventually when I have my driving license whose not to say its me that lives in Devon and commutes into Bristol!

(Below) Wall art from around Bristol City.

I left Bristol feeling exuberant and certain of my decision to relocate. Its getting me in the right place for the masters, its an adventure and its independent living all the things I'm striving for.

Except I didn't think about the realities of long distance on my relationship. I think I've suppressed thoughts about the logistics of a move to Bristol because I needed to understand my own motivations first. Do I really want put my fledgling relationship under that kind of pressure. Antonio has been wonderful, I mean he's been so supportive and has said adamantly that I should follow my dreams - he's kind of wonderful like that.

In a way that's made things harder because the decision really is down to me now. I've had a little negative feedback about moving, I guess people can't understand why I'm uprooting my life to go do a job that's very similar to the one I've got here.

Partly its because it means I can volunteer at Bristol Zoo, earn more money, set myself up for the masters I hope to accomplish next year. But its also for the adventure of it, for the challenge. Travel acts as a mirror, it reflects back your strengths and weaknesses and helps you find that innate power we all have curdling under the surface.

I have this knot in my stomach, its time for me to make another decision and I flounder at the thought of taking action. I've grown up in a generation where we have too many choices, too many paths to investigate. I adore the freedom of choice but on occasion the infinite possibilities are overwhelming.

I'm about to go for a run which I hope will bring me some clarity. We have to be kind to ourselves don't we so when there's decisions to be made we are in the right frame of mind to make the best choice for ourselves.

Until next time

Stay strong, surf well

Love Sophia