It's Complicated.

I could have written this blog post at 11pm last night because that's exactly where frustration found me and this dear readers, is a frustrated post. 
All of yesterday was a homage to chaos from the cancelled train which was supposed to get me to work on time, to the long 14 hour shift which was filled with complications. 

Life is seems, is quite complicated. 

You are born with nothing and leave with nothing, so the space in between is yours to do what you want with and what amazes me still to this day (and will probably take a life time to understand), is that a lot of the stress we encounter in our lives is self inflicted. We all construct these realities for ourselves and then wade in so deeply, we suddenly cannot remember how or why we got to there in the first place.

Surfing used to feel a deeply complicated process, from the struggling to get a wet suit up my thighs to carrying the board down to the shore - this was a struggle even before I got into the pounding waves and tried to stand up! 

I myself, manage to tread water both literally and metaphorically until my heart comes into focus. If my heart is in it or indeed not in it suddenly my brain seems to short circuit and things get complicated. I seem to lose my ability to rationalize and the strong, confident person I am 90% of the time withers into a gibbering mess who has to interrupt her little sister's shower, to get her advice because she's logical and knows what to say (true story). 

And then I go surfing and things become the kind of complicated I like, a complicated I positively encourage because its just me, a board and the ocean. 

The ache in your gut, that feeling you get when things are making you feel out of your depth is stress or perhaps even guilt uncurling like a serpent. We have to seek out what makes us uneasy and try to dissect why it makes life feel difficult. 

At the moment trusting my own judgement feels like an infinitely confusing thing to do. Can I trust myself to listen to my gut, that inner voice protecting me? Do I stay the course, do I wait, do I run? 

This all probably sounds very cryptic, which I suppose I'm doing for a little self preservation. I feel the moral here is to look at life's complications head on, like when you hear the roaring of a wave behind you and you know if you miss the drop your going to eat sand. We have to look forward, trust that we have our shit together and see the bigger picture if we want to ride that wave into shore. Those initial complications can come together and result in something unexpected and great, the lesson here is learning to have patience and trust in ourselves. 

So tell me, what complications are going on in your life? 

Until next time 

Stay Strong, Surf well

Sophia