Solitude.

You are not alone. Now repeat that sentence until it becomes a mantra in your head, repeat until your tongue furs and the words lose meaning. We are never lonely - not really - how can you be when you have you?

I have solitude when sat astride my surfboard bobbing like driftwood. I marvel about being everywhere all at once, how oceans touch every continent and connect everything. I luxuriate in the feeling of saltwater against my skin, the endless nothingness as my toes splay in the eternal depths. And even though surfing for me is a community affair when its me on that platform ready to take the drop, it is me and me alone.

This week I've been alone. From morning until night completely alone and this isolation has felt like a gift. My entire family and extended family have gone on holiday, a ritual, which for the first time ever, I've not been able to participate in due to work commitments. I thought I was going to go stir crazy being in this big old empty house, I thought I'd scare myself half to death wondering about the creaks but actually quite the opposite has happened. 

I've found myself randomly singing and skipping from room to room. I'm happy, I mean really happy because this time has forced me to reflect and come back to myself. 

We inevitably lose ourselves in relationships which is sometimes good and sometimes bad. For me I became a half person, I (willingly) allowed myself to blur until I was something unrecognizable.  It took getting to the lowest of the low to realize how far I'd wandered from my core self. 

Something of a Renaissance has happened. I've woken up recently with, dare I say it tenacity. I feel like me again, I feel brave and elastic like I'd snap back to my true form no matter what pulls me taunt. I've been vulnerable, I've had sadness carve deep into me but now I'm open for life to fill me whole. 

I hope I can instill in you a sense of self worth, I hope you read this blog post and remind yourself of all the things which make you wonderful. I'm done beating myself up for being imperfect, I'm even more done with allowing others to grind me down - love and light to them all but use them like fertilizer, grow from the life lessons there to be had. 

I often think of the ocean as feminine, a reckless, passionate energy which makes cliffs crumble. She is powerful as are you. 

Stay strong, surf well,
Love Sophia