Is is better to be adored by thousands - or to inspire a few and have a lasting impact?
If many were to read my blog would it validate my words?
Or would reaching just one person, one who perhaps re-reads my musings be a real mark of success?
If your reading this then I am immesenly grateful.
Because the vain aspect of me needs validation, I need to know I'm affecting someone.
Wanderlust
My great Auntie Girly (her real name is actually Christiana but she was one of 7 boys so was only ever called girly), as a young woman in her twenties went alone to Morocco to work as a missionary. I often want to ask why she went, what compelled her to go alone to Northern Africa at a time when women had barely got the vote let alone travelled the world.
The story goes she was there for a while until word reached her of her parents' ill health, so she packed her bags for home and headed back to Worthing, England where she's been ever since.
It saddens me I'll never really be able to get answers for those questions, my Great Aunt is very much alive still, in fact she was still riding a moped well into her seventies, however she's now approaching one hundred and and is beginning to forget, so I don't feel would benefit from having a curious great niece hounding her. I instead rely on my Nan's accounts and wonder if I inherited the travel bug from her.
Sometimes I think wanderlust is more a curse than a blessing. In my head a rucksack is always by the door, like a ghost, waiting for me to swing it onto my shoulders and head out into the next adventure. It makes me listless and a dreamer and my life is on pause until the next trip. If I had to use a methphor I'd say wanderlust is like an ex lover, he taps you on the shoulder and reminds you of the good times, he fills your ears with oceans and hot summer nights. And just when you think you've finally gotten over him he walks past you with a new girlfriend (a new country) and your jealous all over again.
The endangered Griffon Vulture I worked to preserve
This is me aged 17 on a break from working whilst in Croatia
I was seventeen the first time I went away from home, I packed a rucksack, said goodbye to my parents and lived in Croatia at an eco centre. It was one of the best/worst times of my life. I got homesick, I cried, I effectively lived in the mountains and ran out of water frequently so had to wash in the sea. I got lost and found myself.
Ever since then its been hard not to follow that impulse. I'm at an interesting juncture in my life in that I need the stability of a more routine job and I also have somebody I love who needs me to be a bit more predictable but I'm still looking out towards the horizon. I think part of me always will. Travelling is a drug, as bad as any vice there is.
In the Saltwater Buddha by Jaimal Yogis he talks of his infatuation for surfing and how at one time in his life this passion almost ruined him. You see what I'm slowly beginning to realise is that while its good to have passions they shouldnt rule your life, its all about balance.
Currently I am unemployed, penniless and completely uncertain about what direction to take in life.
- But -
Today I went to the park with my boyfriend and Jack the family dog. We sat watching the world go by, lying on the grass and smiling about silly little things as the sun shone (finally a hint of English sun)!
I am healthy, I have a beautiful loving family, I am with a boy I love and I have potential.
I amlucky blessed to live the life I have. And well, this is only the beginning.
I think I'd like to do a Masters degree in International Development this is the big goal. So in the mean time I'm going to become a support worker because caring for other people is my number one priority these days. I'm going to become an intern or volunteer for a charity that makes me heart glad and I'm going to continue to love the important people in my life. I'm also going to save up for my next trip, this time though I won't be fleeing.
I'll do Yoga, drink tea and continue to be creative through my writing and T-shirt designs.
We live in a time when dreams are hard to fulfill,
- however -
we should not allow our generation to be defined by a recession. We just need a little patience because those dreams are still ours and are still possible.
Stay merry my dears.
- X -
My great Auntie Girly (her real name is actually Christiana but she was one of 7 boys so was only ever called girly), as a young woman in her twenties went alone to Morocco to work as a missionary. I often want to ask why she went, what compelled her to go alone to Northern Africa at a time when women had barely got the vote let alone travelled the world.
The story goes she was there for a while until word reached her of her parents' ill health, so she packed her bags for home and headed back to Worthing, England where she's been ever since.
It saddens me I'll never really be able to get answers for those questions, my Great Aunt is very much alive still, in fact she was still riding a moped well into her seventies, however she's now approaching one hundred and and is beginning to forget, so I don't feel would benefit from having a curious great niece hounding her. I instead rely on my Nan's accounts and wonder if I inherited the travel bug from her.
Sometimes I think wanderlust is more a curse than a blessing. In my head a rucksack is always by the door, like a ghost, waiting for me to swing it onto my shoulders and head out into the next adventure. It makes me listless and a dreamer and my life is on pause until the next trip. If I had to use a methphor I'd say wanderlust is like an ex lover, he taps you on the shoulder and reminds you of the good times, he fills your ears with oceans and hot summer nights. And just when you think you've finally gotten over him he walks past you with a new girlfriend (a new country) and your jealous all over again.
I was seventeen the first time I went away from home, I packed a rucksack, said goodbye to my parents and lived in Croatia at an eco centre. It was one of the best/worst times of my life. I got homesick, I cried, I effectively lived in the mountains and ran out of water frequently so had to wash in the sea. I got lost and found myself.
Ever since then its been hard not to follow that impulse. I'm at an interesting juncture in my life in that I need the stability of a more routine job and I also have somebody I love who needs me to be a bit more predictable but I'm still looking out towards the horizon. I think part of me always will. Travelling is a drug, as bad as any vice there is.
In the Saltwater Buddha by Jaimal Yogis he talks of his infatuation for surfing and how at one time in his life this passion almost ruined him. You see what I'm slowly beginning to realise is that while its good to have passions they shouldnt rule your life, its all about balance.
Currently I am unemployed, penniless and completely uncertain about what direction to take in life.
- But -
Today I went to the park with my boyfriend and Jack the family dog. We sat watching the world go by, lying on the grass and smiling about silly little things as the sun shone (finally a hint of English sun)!
I am healthy, I have a beautiful loving family, I am with a boy I love and I have potential.
I am
I think I'd like to do a Masters degree in International Development this is the big goal. So in the mean time I'm going to become a support worker because caring for other people is my number one priority these days. I'm going to become an intern or volunteer for a charity that makes me heart glad and I'm going to continue to love the important people in my life. I'm also going to save up for my next trip, this time though I won't be fleeing.
I'll do Yoga, drink tea and continue to be creative through my writing and T-shirt designs.
We live in a time when dreams are hard to fulfill,
- however -
we should not allow our generation to be defined by a recession. We just need a little patience because those dreams are still ours and are still possible.
Stay merry my dears.
- X -
No comments:
Post a Comment