This is a blog post about periods.

*Disclaimer For poor surfers who've stumbled across this site via magicseaweed I suggest not reading the following post. This is not about surfing and the use of red is no mere accident....

 

 
If I were perhaps a better writer I could use posts to discuss current affairs, argue about gender inequality, the state of the economy or maybe even give my opinion about the debates surrounding foreign aid. But instead like the title suggests, I'm going to discuss periods. As a journal masquerading as a surf blog I should probably make some tenuous link to surfing - to be consistent of course - so here you are...

*TENUOUS LINK* 

Much like the tide is governed by the moon, a woman's body works in cycles and much like a sea breaking against rock, if you agitate a menstruating woman you are likely to meet the same fate a surfer does when wiping out over rock. Injury and/or Death. 

I can assure you this is not going to be an anatomically correct monologue about the woes of being a fertile woman. I'm actually of the mindset that periods are a natural, wholesome part of being female. I will NOT however be having any period parties soon to celebrate the red flower blooming (you can put away the bongo drums and gypsy skirts)... 

 

Instead I'd like to discuss the impact it has on my ability to rationalize. Without fear of giving the male populous an excuse to be ignoramuses, (I dare you to say to a woman 'oh are you on your period darling?' see what happens....and if you missed that sarcasm I am imminently worried for you), I do however think my abilities to resolve issues are hampered by the changes occuring in my body. 
 I am woefully emotional, I become clumsy, I'm rampant and I also happen to be irritated by things that for the majority of a month have had little impact on me.

Don't get me started on what my beloved boyfriend has endured the last few days. Antonio is no Saint but he's had to have the patience of one to navigate through my hormone laden arguements 

"Its not what you said its how you said it. Ooooh Ryan Gosling! I need felafel. Hug me I feel vulnerable..."   

  PMS otherwise known as -

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. Pimples May Surface
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. People Make me Sick
8. Pardon My Sobbing
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissed off Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

- should be dealt with in the following ways:

FOR MEN: Give a woman a wide berth when she is near menstruation. If impossible to avoid be tolerant, don't take anything personally and if she's really unbearable console yourself with the fact that after 5-7 days her baby making hormones will kick in again and she'll be rampant (or at least back to normal).

FOR WOMEN: Succumb to the madness, wear THOSE pajamas, allow a little comfort eating and do anything that makes you feel better. 

I find romantic films or shark documentaries work quite well...

Now my promise to you. I will not discuss periods ever again. EVER. 

Toodle Pip