For you I give it all.

It's been a while...
I guess I just can't help myself.  
In between the living, the jobs, the puppy and the surf trips I've missed something. 
This blog was a massive part of my life, not because it gave me an identity, somewhere to implore the world or drift into retrospectives. 
This blog was somewhere to just be. 

I've missed this blog, I've missed the incentive it gave me to go out seeking. 
I miss the weekly records of my habits, the clipped cheerfulness, the examination of my mental bandwidth. 

Mostly I miss the opportunities to discuss surfing. 

For a while I had to store surfing in the back of a cupboard, stowing it away like a saved Easter Egg for moments when I want to indulge. It became a distraction, pouring myself into a wet-suit was my chrysalis, riding a wave I emerged. The trouble with this particular method of metamorphism is that it requires you to be by the coast. 
I am land locked. 

Who needs California tans when you can look this cold and ill?? 

So in the interlude I told myself I was a serious business woman building her 'yoga brand' and that grieving waves missed was a perfunctory way to spend my (very little) downtime. I got weary, watched the numbers in my bank account jump along the timeline always plummeting to that line below 0. I cried myself to sleep worrying about finances, about how I was going to fulfill my dream as well as pay the bills.  

Between the lack of resources, I fell more and more in love with Mr Sunshine, my man, my beau, my friend. We got a puppy too! After all those years of describing my 'perfect' dog in an instant Ozzie the french bulldog appeared, the antithesis of what I thought I wanted. As the saying goes I got the dog I needed not the dog I wanted! 

I became a self employed yoga teacher then realized I like stability, I like structure and a monthly pay check. So I restructured, I got a job working with SEN kids realized I love working in the care sector. Now I'm about to become a technical rehabilitation instructor (i.e. working with people with acquired injury to regain their independence- so using yoga in a medical context)! I decided my heart is in building relationships so now I run yoga & surf retreats part time. My very first abroad trip is in Norway in 3 weeks time! 

I'll finish this tangent with Dolly (Parton of course). 

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain" 

We've been here before. The land locked surfer girl moaning about being land locked, except this time I see my frustrations as a necessary catalyst. I can see rainbows in the rain, staying here in the middle of England is not a failure, it does not diminish my capacity to surf, it just makes me appreciate my wave riding all the more when I'm there (and takes a little more effort). 

I'll keep you posted.

Mahalo love bugs x 

Silence.

Sometimes I am utterly convinced I'm an old soul and that I've lived a few lives before the one I have now. When I was young I used to go through the motions of attending parties all the while feeling like I didn't belong there. I wasn't a wall flower, in fact I was/am usually the first on the dance floor, but I guess my heart wasn't in it. My long term friends joke that I'm Grandma on account of my insatiable tea habit and quiet. Now that I am hopelessly in love (still going steady wohooo) and a bunny momma my nesting instinct is even stronger.

Happiness to me is curled up with my boys. 

Bruh bunny and Mr Sunshine sharing popcorn here. 

Real men are kind to animals 

Too cute to breath! 

My Mr Sunny being a stealth photographer here! 

By nature I'm a worrier, I am somebody that both needs and hates busyness, heck I even called my rabbit 'Hectic Bruh' after a South African saying for crazy waves! 

Both surfing and yoga found me almost simultaneously and I believe are there to help me enjoy the silence. Both yoga and surfing turn you inwards and make you concentrate on your breath and being present. 
Neither are a sport or a hobby to me they are a way of life and I'm so grateful I have both these endeavours to remind me to stand still and enjoy the silence!   

 It was after some silence and contemplation I finally came up with the name for my yoga and animal assisted therapy business (taking animals to care homes as therapy). I ran it past the family and landed on:

 Love the sound of 'Wild at heart Yoga & Animal Assisted Therapy,' it both excites me and scares me shit less!! I'm finally living my dream, taking a leap of faith and fashioning and life all of my very own. 

Oh and there shall be surfing in this life. Oh the surfing! 


Until next time,
Stay strong and surf well
Love

'Meh maid'

It would be easy as a yogini to accentuate the good in my life in order to promote a positive facade. This however is not reality. Just like everybody else I have my 'meh' days, where I wake up and find fault with my world and by my world, I of course mean the small parameters of my life. 

Sometimes things don't go your way, people won't act or behave how you want them to or your job will create difficulties. As a land locked surfer the daily grind of reliving the fact that I'm not surfing is a constant dig in the ribs, (especially when your Northern surfer friends are getting great swell...its like constantly not being invited to a party).   

It is a privilege to be able to moan about your lot, of having your basic human rights met to such an extent you can find reasons in others areas to not be happy. This is where the yoga/surf philosophy comes in, if we create positive grooves for ourselves, i.e. a routine which is positive and provides opportunities to be grateful these patterns will become permanent and as a result, we'll live more fulfilled lives purely because we'll be able to see our own privileges. 

Today I was beating myself up for not eating as healthily as I should, for still not being in my own place, for not having a 'career' as such and for still not being able to get a friend for Bruh bunny -a pretty extensive list of invites for my pity party. I then got on my yoga mat, meditated before going for a run in the winter sunshine. None of these earlier worries have been resolved (although I did have a cup of green tea so that counts as being healthy right)?! What's changed is my attitude towards them. We can indulge in feeling 'meh' about some things in our lives but dwelling there isn't good for anyone. 

If your feeling more 'meh maid' than anything else then I shall tell you the secret. 

Go meditate. 
























 
Whether its in lotus style up a Himalayan mountain, walking your dog, running towards the sea, sat astride your surfboard or just taking a few mindful breaths in on the morning commute. Look inwards and find sense in the gentle inhalation and exhalation of your breath.

Until next time 

Stay strong, surf well
Love

Hola from Nicaragua!

One of the best side affects from blogging is the opportunities it provides to talk to really great people. One of those said people is the lovely Cameo who contacted me all the way from Nicaragua, her endlessly sunny emails provided moments for us to share our collective love of surfing and the positive impact it has on people around us. She's doing great work out there and wanted to tell you a little about it. 

I don't know about you but I love a surf article so without much further ado, here is Cameo in her own words! 

"Hola from Nicaragua, Central America! On September 23, 2014, I left the cold

east coast of Massachusetts and moved down to sunny Granada in hopes of 

creating a recreation program with the non-profit organization, Amped for 

Education. Amped creates educational opportunities for the underprivileged 

students of Pantanel (a small, impoverished community 5 minutes outside of 

Granada). We want to encourage students to continue learning and to help them 

understand that education is incredibly valuable, no matter where you are in the 

world. 

Since making the trek down here two months ago, a lot has happened. I have 

made charming new friends, I have encouraged children to learn, my Spanish 

has improved, and I even learned to surf! Although I am still a beginner, I have 

had the opportunity to learn at some pretty amazing surf spots. San Juan Del 

Sur, is a popular surf spot in Nicaragua and is about a two hour “chicken” bus 

ride from my home base. The town is lively, the beaches are beautiful, and the 

waves are perfect for beginners or experts. Playa Maderas is the beach we 

usually pick to surf. It’s a 25-minute rickety shuttle ride to get there from town but 

the waves are always worth it. If you have your board with you, you can strap it to 

the top of the shuttle or there are board rentals right on the beach.  

If you’re looking for a more secluded spot to surf, Playa Gigante is the place to 

be. The town is quiet and there are beaches and beaches to choose from. If 

you’re lucky enough to come down during the low season, one particular beach, 

has very few people and you can basically have the beach, and the waves to 

yourself. Either way, whichever surf spot you choose, you will have an ear to ear 

smile across your face the whole ride. 

The best parts about Nicaragua are the food, the prices, and the 85 degree 

water. There are street vendors at every corner selling enchiladas, empanadas, 

tacos, and plantain chips. Any of those snacks will cost you 10-20 cordobas 

(about 50 cents - $1). The markets are an amazing place to be as well. You can 

buy pounds and pounds of fruits and veggies for under $10 in the market. This 

place is a hidden gem and I am incredibly grateful to call it my current home. 

Never regret taking that leap of faith to move and experience something new, it 

will always be worth it! :)

To learn more about Amped for Education or to find out how you can join us on a 
trip, visit www.ampedforeducation.org." 

Isn't she wonderful! I hope she becomes a regular feature on this blog, Cameo we love you! 

Until next time,
Stay strong and surf well
Love 

Big Wave Rider.

As ever it is from the world of surfing that I glean another life lesson, faced with personal challenges I look to the likes of Keala Kennelly, a big wave rider, to help remind me that there are two types of fear 'rational' and 'irrational,' one keeps you safe and the other must be overcome and judging which is which is your constant battle in life. 

Sat in suburban landlockedville so far from the ocean that precipitation gets me excited its hard to not get frustrated. Often when I am going through hardship I revert to my old comfort blanket of yearning for the ocean. I seem to reside a little too long in feelings of self indulgence, wishing to quit my job, drop everything and move to the coast. I understand myself enough to know this is flight not fight and changing my postcode won't change me, regardless of geography you are still the same person. 

Water is in our DNA, we came from it and for a few of us we're never quite able to shake our aquatic origins. I have no business being a surfer, I am from Birmingham UK, from a city that boasts industrial revolution as one of its credentials, but a surfer I am. 

My big wave riding is overcoming the irrational fear of 'not amounting to anything.' Like surfers, you have to actively use that fear to help you perform, you can't let fear conquer you, our outweigh why you do things. As I approach a birthday (I'll be 26 this week) I have to actively remind myself that I'll never stagnate because there's too much life in my bones. Even if it feels like I'm just paddling water I'm getting somewhere. 

This post is part diary entry. Part positive affirmation. 

I hope it helps either way. 

Until next time, 

Stay strong, surf well

Love

What yoga teacher training has taught me about surfing and myself.

I'm mid way through a yoga teacher training course and I hate it. Something that ordinarily brings me joy and solace has become something which is a source of stress and unhappiness. The course itself is mismanaged and taught in a manner which is strict, sometimes mean and very, very demanding. Whilst its easy to blame this on course leaders and start using terms like 'bullies' in actuality its myself I am most frustrated with. 

I'm angry that I didn't read the small print and reviews with a fine tooth comb as both would have given me insight into how tough the course is. Doing this qualification has been a bit like tipping acid over myself, its peeled back all the layers that I consider 'me' and revealed the ego and the fears that govern my thought processes. 

Did you know that hip opener postures in yoga bring emotion to the surface? 
No seriously they do. On hip opener day nearly all of the course participants 'hit the wall' and left feeling raw with emotion. 

For me it revealed something as way back in the past as school days still affect my conduct today. Because I was bullied I validated myself by being studious so when I graduated university and no longer had the academic shield to cling to, it wasn't surprising that I became massively lost and depressed. 
I also realize I'm passive aggressive, that because I'm a people pleaser I've become so fearful of upsetting others that I completely ignore my own feelings in favor of being 'nice.' 
Its no wonder then that when I got criticized in yoga teacher training (which was constantly as I'm one of the weaker students), I couldn't be like Teflon and let it slide, every single comment wounded me deeply. 

Here's positives that I did learn and am continually learning as I pursue this qualification: 

YOU CAN FIND GOOD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE

A Slovenian traveler named David said this to me when I was seventeen and working in Croatia, its a comment that continues to resonate with me. The one massive consolation of this yoga course is the other participants, we've cried, hugged and eaten together supporting one another through this hard experience. If you look hard enough you can always find great people. 

I DON'T WANT TO MAKE SURFING MY DAY JOB 

Finally something relevant to surfing!! There's this saying; 

'...find something you love and you'll never work a day in your life again,' 

Its a phrase I recently encountered again over at The tale of a Mermaid, Devon wrote that she didn't believe it because even the things we love involve work and hardship, that's just how it goes. I agree wholeheartedly, I LOVE yoga but becoming a teacher is physically and emotionally draining. Its something I can't let happen to my surfing. Surfing is my sanctuary and whilst I want to do it everyday I realize that by trying to make it a business I put it in danger of evolving into something I no longer like or recognize. I think this means I'm a:

Soul Surfer. 


ANIMALS WILL CONTINUE TO INSPIRE ME. 

This is going to sound weird but animals have saved me over and over again these past few weeks. The most obvious candidate is Bruh my beloved surf bunny, he's been my little heartbeat during the many hours I've spent slaving over yoga coursework on my computer. 

There's been a few trippier animal encounters also. During mediation (we had to do an hour at 5am every morning), I kept having the image of an elephant come into my minds eye. We'd put our foreheads together and he'd wrap his trunk around my shoulders. Every time it happened I had such a feeling of calm and strength. I also kept seeing myself underwater swimming alongside a whale. The whale would let me lie on its back and I could see the light penetrating the surface of the water. Both experiences left me feeling serene and strong. On the second day of yoga camp when I'd literally had enough and was sobbing ready to quit I went for a walk and got blocked by a cat. This little black cat kept weaving in and out of my legs, eventually I lean't down and gave it some fuss, but every time I tried to step forward it would prevent me. Finally I gave in and started walking back to the studio. Well the cat walked me back and watched me go!!! Ok universe I get it! 

I LEARNT ABOUT RESILIENCE 

I cried, tried to quit but returned and this I realize is resilience. I don't feel strong or especially 'together' but I do possess strength and to get through some of the things I have past and present is testament that I have it.

Life doesn't give you anything you can't handle.

Right I'd best get back to doing some yoga coursework 
(...whilst planning the next land locked surfers trip)!

Until next time 
Stay strong, surf well 
Love

Surf Yogini

 My darlings, I haven't forgot you. 

I have embarked on the hardest journey of my life and for now this is absorbing most of my attention. I have managed to have a little surf session at the Scarborough surf festival (which was cancelled again because the waves were...well mush burgers). I'll post about that soon enough. 

For now I am a fully immersed yogi. Which basically means my only thoughts are yoga based and when I'm not practicing I'm writing about the philosophy. In a couple of weeks the blog is going to have a total revamp, a surf/yoga themed revamp. 

So for now I bid you a fond Namaste. 

Stay strong, surf well 
Love