What yoga teacher training has taught me about surfing and myself.

I'm mid way through a yoga teacher training course and I hate it. Something that ordinarily brings me joy and solace has become something which is a source of stress and unhappiness. The course itself is mismanaged and taught in a manner which is strict, sometimes mean and very, very demanding. Whilst its easy to blame this on course leaders and start using terms like 'bullies' in actuality its myself I am most frustrated with. 

I'm angry that I didn't read the small print and reviews with a fine tooth comb as both would have given me insight into how tough the course is. Doing this qualification has been a bit like tipping acid over myself, its peeled back all the layers that I consider 'me' and revealed the ego and the fears that govern my thought processes. 

Did you know that hip opener postures in yoga bring emotion to the surface? 
No seriously they do. On hip opener day nearly all of the course participants 'hit the wall' and left feeling raw with emotion. 

For me it revealed something as way back in the past as school days still affect my conduct today. Because I was bullied I validated myself by being studious so when I graduated university and no longer had the academic shield to cling to, it wasn't surprising that I became massively lost and depressed. 
I also realize I'm passive aggressive, that because I'm a people pleaser I've become so fearful of upsetting others that I completely ignore my own feelings in favor of being 'nice.' 
Its no wonder then that when I got criticized in yoga teacher training (which was constantly as I'm one of the weaker students), I couldn't be like Teflon and let it slide, every single comment wounded me deeply. 

Here's positives that I did learn and am continually learning as I pursue this qualification: 

YOU CAN FIND GOOD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE

A Slovenian traveler named David said this to me when I was seventeen and working in Croatia, its a comment that continues to resonate with me. The one massive consolation of this yoga course is the other participants, we've cried, hugged and eaten together supporting one another through this hard experience. If you look hard enough you can always find great people. 

I DON'T WANT TO MAKE SURFING MY DAY JOB 

Finally something relevant to surfing!! There's this saying; 

'...find something you love and you'll never work a day in your life again,' 

Its a phrase I recently encountered again over at The tale of a Mermaid, Devon wrote that she didn't believe it because even the things we love involve work and hardship, that's just how it goes. I agree wholeheartedly, I LOVE yoga but becoming a teacher is physically and emotionally draining. Its something I can't let happen to my surfing. Surfing is my sanctuary and whilst I want to do it everyday I realize that by trying to make it a business I put it in danger of evolving into something I no longer like or recognize. I think this means I'm a:

Soul Surfer. 


ANIMALS WILL CONTINUE TO INSPIRE ME. 

This is going to sound weird but animals have saved me over and over again these past few weeks. The most obvious candidate is Bruh my beloved surf bunny, he's been my little heartbeat during the many hours I've spent slaving over yoga coursework on my computer. 

There's been a few trippier animal encounters also. During mediation (we had to do an hour at 5am every morning), I kept having the image of an elephant come into my minds eye. We'd put our foreheads together and he'd wrap his trunk around my shoulders. Every time it happened I had such a feeling of calm and strength. I also kept seeing myself underwater swimming alongside a whale. The whale would let me lie on its back and I could see the light penetrating the surface of the water. Both experiences left me feeling serene and strong. On the second day of yoga camp when I'd literally had enough and was sobbing ready to quit I went for a walk and got blocked by a cat. This little black cat kept weaving in and out of my legs, eventually I lean't down and gave it some fuss, but every time I tried to step forward it would prevent me. Finally I gave in and started walking back to the studio. Well the cat walked me back and watched me go!!! Ok universe I get it! 

I LEARNT ABOUT RESILIENCE 

I cried, tried to quit but returned and this I realize is resilience. I don't feel strong or especially 'together' but I do possess strength and to get through some of the things I have past and present is testament that I have it.

Life doesn't give you anything you can't handle.

Right I'd best get back to doing some yoga coursework 
(...whilst planning the next land locked surfers trip)!

Until next time 
Stay strong, surf well 
Love

Saltwater Yogis

The ocean is a shrine of interconnection, worship there often...
- Surf Yogis  

I am infinitely entertained by the strange workings of the universe (which I realize makes me sound like I might enjoy kissing third eye chakras)!

I say this because a lot of positive things have begun to unfurl in my life at the very moment I have embraced my vulnerability. It seems to me that life is a constant ebbing and flowing of tidal waters.  

Just as a wave crashes to its demise another one is rising up. 

After enduring several hours in the waiting room of my doctors surgery I was given a 20 page questionnaire to fill out. To give you an idea of the flavor of this task here is one of the questions:

'Have you ever considered suicide or self harm?' 

There were rather a lot of questions like that and to be perfectly honest I felt a bit of a fraud answering them. I don't entertain the idea of wanting to harm myself, its not that. I just want to talk to someone unbiased about my losses this year and a few unresolved issues from my past. I want to do this to save burdening my friends and family with information they don't need to hear. 

My Doctor is a wonderful Irish woman who was able to quickly identify I wasn't a danger or in need of dosing up I just needed to talk, so now I'm on a waiting list and hopefully will be seeing a counselor soon. 

Every fiber of my body cringes admitting that but I think for this very reason its important that I tell you. Modern society has made us susceptible to feeling blue, we're overworked, static and have too much time to think. 

Whilst in the Doctors surgery I observed the flow of patients, the sweet old couples still holding hands, the young and the fidgeting, it was a strange concoction of people. 

Through the turmoil I am recognizing the volume of wonderful people in my life. Antonio, family, friends everyone who has made this period that little bit more bearable. 

As ever I'm inspired by surfing and the salt water community and would like to take the opportunity to share some inspirations and likes of mine. 

Fashion

Gorgeous takes on the wetsuit alope.com.au

I love the retro but practical look of this bikini theseea.com

Love the boho vibe of this http://gypsealove.blogspot.co.uk/

Lifestyle 
 
Whats not to love about a community of water women?! For all your saltwater news, fashion and lifestyle, I've fallen for Salt Gypsy.

     





You know me I love anything fitness related especially if its free! Check out Wave Shape from the Calvera girls and some of the awesome yoga videos on youtube, here's a selection of my favorite. 

 

Tara Styles Yoga for fitness. 

 Get in wave shape! http://www.getinwaveshape.com/

Community 

I have found the mecca of all surf blogs, check out Mush Burger...

  *Warning* If you are easily distracted clicking on this site WILL cause procrastination.
You have been warned. Until next time water babies, 

Stay Strong, Surf Well 

Love Sophia  

xxx