Big Wave Rider.

As ever it is from the world of surfing that I glean another life lesson, faced with personal challenges I look to the likes of Keala Kennelly, a big wave rider, to help remind me that there are two types of fear 'rational' and 'irrational,' one keeps you safe and the other must be overcome and judging which is which is your constant battle in life. 

Sat in suburban landlockedville so far from the ocean that precipitation gets me excited its hard to not get frustrated. Often when I am going through hardship I revert to my old comfort blanket of yearning for the ocean. I seem to reside a little too long in feelings of self indulgence, wishing to quit my job, drop everything and move to the coast. I understand myself enough to know this is flight not fight and changing my postcode won't change me, regardless of geography you are still the same person. 

Water is in our DNA, we came from it and for a few of us we're never quite able to shake our aquatic origins. I have no business being a surfer, I am from Birmingham UK, from a city that boasts industrial revolution as one of its credentials, but a surfer I am. 

My big wave riding is overcoming the irrational fear of 'not amounting to anything.' Like surfers, you have to actively use that fear to help you perform, you can't let fear conquer you, our outweigh why you do things. As I approach a birthday (I'll be 26 this week) I have to actively remind myself that I'll never stagnate because there's too much life in my bones. Even if it feels like I'm just paddling water I'm getting somewhere. 

This post is part diary entry. Part positive affirmation. 

I hope it helps either way. 

Until next time, 

Stay strong, surf well

Love

What yoga teacher training has taught me about surfing and myself.

I'm mid way through a yoga teacher training course and I hate it. Something that ordinarily brings me joy and solace has become something which is a source of stress and unhappiness. The course itself is mismanaged and taught in a manner which is strict, sometimes mean and very, very demanding. Whilst its easy to blame this on course leaders and start using terms like 'bullies' in actuality its myself I am most frustrated with. 

I'm angry that I didn't read the small print and reviews with a fine tooth comb as both would have given me insight into how tough the course is. Doing this qualification has been a bit like tipping acid over myself, its peeled back all the layers that I consider 'me' and revealed the ego and the fears that govern my thought processes. 

Did you know that hip opener postures in yoga bring emotion to the surface? 
No seriously they do. On hip opener day nearly all of the course participants 'hit the wall' and left feeling raw with emotion. 

For me it revealed something as way back in the past as school days still affect my conduct today. Because I was bullied I validated myself by being studious so when I graduated university and no longer had the academic shield to cling to, it wasn't surprising that I became massively lost and depressed. 
I also realize I'm passive aggressive, that because I'm a people pleaser I've become so fearful of upsetting others that I completely ignore my own feelings in favor of being 'nice.' 
Its no wonder then that when I got criticized in yoga teacher training (which was constantly as I'm one of the weaker students), I couldn't be like Teflon and let it slide, every single comment wounded me deeply. 

Here's positives that I did learn and am continually learning as I pursue this qualification: 

YOU CAN FIND GOOD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE

A Slovenian traveler named David said this to me when I was seventeen and working in Croatia, its a comment that continues to resonate with me. The one massive consolation of this yoga course is the other participants, we've cried, hugged and eaten together supporting one another through this hard experience. If you look hard enough you can always find great people. 

I DON'T WANT TO MAKE SURFING MY DAY JOB 

Finally something relevant to surfing!! There's this saying; 

'...find something you love and you'll never work a day in your life again,' 

Its a phrase I recently encountered again over at The tale of a Mermaid, Devon wrote that she didn't believe it because even the things we love involve work and hardship, that's just how it goes. I agree wholeheartedly, I LOVE yoga but becoming a teacher is physically and emotionally draining. Its something I can't let happen to my surfing. Surfing is my sanctuary and whilst I want to do it everyday I realize that by trying to make it a business I put it in danger of evolving into something I no longer like or recognize. I think this means I'm a:

Soul Surfer. 


ANIMALS WILL CONTINUE TO INSPIRE ME. 

This is going to sound weird but animals have saved me over and over again these past few weeks. The most obvious candidate is Bruh my beloved surf bunny, he's been my little heartbeat during the many hours I've spent slaving over yoga coursework on my computer. 

There's been a few trippier animal encounters also. During mediation (we had to do an hour at 5am every morning), I kept having the image of an elephant come into my minds eye. We'd put our foreheads together and he'd wrap his trunk around my shoulders. Every time it happened I had such a feeling of calm and strength. I also kept seeing myself underwater swimming alongside a whale. The whale would let me lie on its back and I could see the light penetrating the surface of the water. Both experiences left me feeling serene and strong. On the second day of yoga camp when I'd literally had enough and was sobbing ready to quit I went for a walk and got blocked by a cat. This little black cat kept weaving in and out of my legs, eventually I lean't down and gave it some fuss, but every time I tried to step forward it would prevent me. Finally I gave in and started walking back to the studio. Well the cat walked me back and watched me go!!! Ok universe I get it! 

I LEARNT ABOUT RESILIENCE 

I cried, tried to quit but returned and this I realize is resilience. I don't feel strong or especially 'together' but I do possess strength and to get through some of the things I have past and present is testament that I have it.

Life doesn't give you anything you can't handle.

Right I'd best get back to doing some yoga coursework 
(...whilst planning the next land locked surfers trip)!

Until next time 
Stay strong, surf well 
Love

Scarborough Surf Festival!

 
 

The land locked surfers club are beginning to wonder if we're a jinx for the Scarborough surf festival. Its the second time we've attended and the contest has been cancelled due to none existent waves. Ok, that's not strictly true this time at least we had some cheeky 1-2ft fun waves to play on. So it wasn't exactly epic surf but as ever it was another wonderful LLSC weekend. On this trip we shared a magical moment with a fox who came up to us like a timid dog, I found a gorgeous vegan restaurant, we surfed on a beautiful secluded beach, played in casinos and we even raced around a caravan site on go carts. 

That's the awesome thing about going on surf trips with friends, you never fully know what to expect but you always have a good time. Speaking of friends, here are some of their beautiful photos documenting the trip. Thank you Jemima Stubbs and Christine Wilson! 

 Just some of the LLSC new and old in Scarborough. 

 Surfing is a real serious business....

 Surfer girls who have to wear jumpers! 

 This stunning shot was captured by my ever talented friend Jemima. The fox was so inquisitive, we all had the pleasure of watching him for a good half an hour, he even ate cheese offered! 

These girls are some of the most important people in my life, they are what make surfing so epically wonderful! 

Until next time 
Stay strong, surf well
Love

Surf Yogini

 My darlings, I haven't forgot you. 

I have embarked on the hardest journey of my life and for now this is absorbing most of my attention. I have managed to have a little surf session at the Scarborough surf festival (which was cancelled again because the waves were...well mush burgers). I'll post about that soon enough. 

For now I am a fully immersed yogi. Which basically means my only thoughts are yoga based and when I'm not practicing I'm writing about the philosophy. In a couple of weeks the blog is going to have a total revamp, a surf/yoga themed revamp. 

So for now I bid you a fond Namaste. 

Stay strong, surf well 
Love