Head, heart and gut.

Listening to: Soup Dragons "I'm Free"

Forgive me Jemima Stubbs but I'm going to steal your excellently coined 'head, heart and gut' theory and use it as inspiration for this here blog post!

In one of her ever insightful and thought provoking emails to me Jemima came up with this brilliant theory of helping make difficult decisions about love (I'm sure the principle can be applied to any aspect of life however). 

So. Here it is. The Theory. 

Use your head. Think logically, analyse, make pros and cons lists and consider the sensible options. Ask for advice and seek different perspectives. 

Use your heart. Then explore what you desire, allow yourself to sink deeply into the true nature of your feelings. Be soppy and romantic and try to identify what it is that you want. 

Use your gut. Your gut knows best. Deep down you know what it is you need/want to do but often pause over the decision making process to test how adamant you are about a certain choice. 

After reading Lauren Hill's interview I've been philosophizing about her answer to question 4 quite a lot. 

"Feminism has won some incredible victories  and created so many opportunities for what is possible for us as women.  Many of us can have it all—career, family, love, passion, surfing---just probably not all at the same time . It is rare to experience perfect balance of all aspects of life at the same time….and if you do, thank your lucky stars, but know that it will change. All will descend into chaos again at some point. Doing  my best to be present and do what makes my heart sing are the things that allow me to find balance. Also, not taking on too much at any one time. And, when all is out of whack, I've always got the ocean to go to and put things in perspective."

In the aftermath of a break up I'm beginning to reflect on my own conduct and my role in helping the demise of our relationship. On reflection I realize I was setting up my dude for a fall because of my expectations (I know you all know his name but I feel strangely protective of using it now)?! I believed he needed to fill all of my needs - physical, intellectual, emotional and social, when in actuality these needs must come from a variety of people but most of all from myself. 

Check out the diagram below, I had a bit of a eureka moment whilst attending an 'Attitudes and Values' training day at work!

What we want and what we need in life are two very different things. In Buddhism we are taught to let go of attachments  minimal living is the route to enlightenment. As a rookie Buddhist (and a very bad one at that), I sometimes get lost in the philosophy of it all and find myself being increasingly concerned about my status in society. When I graduated from University I was hungry to be seen to be doing something, I had so much to prove which if I'm honest made me a little crazy! The thing is attitude affects behavior which then affects the attitudes of others and their behaviors - a negative cycle. Make sense? 

None of us are truly independent in this life (I certainly couldn't get to work without the train driver)! We're all codependent, the same as empowerment comes from the individual,  I can't empower you that has to come from within. 

So you could argue that its fool hardy to think that a partner should provide you with everything, there are many facets to me and one person cannot be expected to meet all of these requirements. 

Since starting my new job I realize how a lack of purpose really interrupted an otherwise great love. I don't want to sweep our problems under the carpet because they certainly existed but after a little space and clarity I'm starting to wonder if there's enough love and kindness left over to start again? He was a wonderful boyfriend and a truly great soul and as much as I'm terrified of losing my balance which I've had to carefully reconstruct I keep asking myself do I want a life without someone  like that? Time is a great healer and my gut is telling me to go slow and explore what my heart really feels. As Dejene my Ethiopian brother once said, when your sad you fix, fix fix!

The funny thing is it doesn't matter if 1000 people don't love you if one person does then that could be argued as all you really need in life... 

Projects.

This week I had another joyous Monday to myself and spent it at the Sealife Centre in Birmingham. Surrounded by all the beautiful marine life filled me with so much creativity and stoke for my forthcoming seahorse tattoo. Here are some photos from my trip and my new art project:

'The shapes, colours and textures of marine life.'

 

My obsession with seahorses continues...

    
































Stay Strong, Surf Well 

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