Now.

I appear to have misplaced my mp3 player which is not wholly a bad thing. 
I put the buds of my earphones in and I'm shielded from the world, walking among the briefcases and mobiles, I am my own isolated little ecosystem. 

I write this post in my garden before I go to work, my stomach is warmed by porridge and chamomile and I have the accompaniment of sunshine and blackbirds. In the wake of my missing mp3 player my day has become about acknowledging my present. My walk to work is a reflection on my immediate surroundings and gives me space to think. 

In the stagnant time where I'm, waiting for a train to arrive I'm delving into my bag to retrieve a book or ring a friend who I've not spoken to in a while. I miss the comforting tones of my music, Jack Johnson, Bob Marley, all the names that feel like comrades, but without it I feel so much more in the moment. 

I'm very much having to live day by day, sometimes I wake up and I feel a small curl of hope expand within me, like there is infinite opportunity and its is palpable. Other days I arise with a lump in my throat, without explanation and have to swallow back the tears.  I know I'm not quite all right but dam it I'm getting there. 

The help of friends and the relentless listening from family is helping my unfurl out of the knot I got myself in, of wanting to be perfect and strong for everyone but myself. Naturally writing this blog helps infinitely, I find my balance again.

I want to tell you a story. 

On a rare weekend when Antonio and I were both off together we decided to explore our home city of Birmingham. Along the canals of Brindley Place we came across an old man selling rag rugs from his narrow boat. A simple question of me asking him if I could take a photo lead to a half hour conversation where he told me all about his life afloat. He showed me the intricate designs of making rag rugs and the method in which he did it. I plucked up the courage to admit I wanted to live on a narrow boat and he happily answered all my questions. It was such a small thread in the tapestry of a day but I derived so much solace from it. 

The encounter led me to search for narrow boats for sale and I came across a beautiful 38ft boat lovingly restored by a grandmother. Something amazing has happened, somehow over the medium of email me and this lady have built up real rapport, a common hope for both of us to accomplish our dreams. She is a live aboard hoping to upscale and I'm a landlocked surfer hoping to create my own water adventure in the means available to me. 
Tomorrow I'm going to view the boat and see if it really is the one for me. 

And so I linger in that space between waiting to make a decision and making a decision. 
If I like this boat do I take the risk and buy it? Will I cope living on a boat? How do I feel about inheriting the debt of a loan to afford it? Does it suit my lifestyle? 

My head is a broth of questions and presently I feel numb to make any kind of concrete decision. 

What I do repeatedly imagine is being sat on my narrow boat drinking a cup of tea, inhaling the air around me and looking out for the wildlife of the canal side. 

What do you think? Your words of advice are greatly appreciated do I take the risk and invest in a boat or do I stay poised ready in the moment for something else.... 

A week in pictures...

Jasmine tea at the Kinaree Thai Restaurant, Birmingham. 

 

Edgbaston Reservoir - beauty in the city. 

Above & Below Scenes from Birmingham! 

Rag rugs and narrow boat apparel. 

3am musings. 

Date night at our beloved Cafe Soya.

You must need to be slightly crazy to date me! 

A thoughtful gift from my man fellow. 

And so it begins....

My heart. 

      

Saltwater Yogis

The ocean is a shrine of interconnection, worship there often...
- Surf Yogis  

I am infinitely entertained by the strange workings of the universe (which I realize makes me sound like I might enjoy kissing third eye chakras)!

I say this because a lot of positive things have begun to unfurl in my life at the very moment I have embraced my vulnerability. It seems to me that life is a constant ebbing and flowing of tidal waters.  

Just as a wave crashes to its demise another one is rising up. 

After enduring several hours in the waiting room of my doctors surgery I was given a 20 page questionnaire to fill out. To give you an idea of the flavor of this task here is one of the questions:

'Have you ever considered suicide or self harm?' 

There were rather a lot of questions like that and to be perfectly honest I felt a bit of a fraud answering them. I don't entertain the idea of wanting to harm myself, its not that. I just want to talk to someone unbiased about my losses this year and a few unresolved issues from my past. I want to do this to save burdening my friends and family with information they don't need to hear. 

My Doctor is a wonderful Irish woman who was able to quickly identify I wasn't a danger or in need of dosing up I just needed to talk, so now I'm on a waiting list and hopefully will be seeing a counselor soon. 

Every fiber of my body cringes admitting that but I think for this very reason its important that I tell you. Modern society has made us susceptible to feeling blue, we're overworked, static and have too much time to think. 

Whilst in the Doctors surgery I observed the flow of patients, the sweet old couples still holding hands, the young and the fidgeting, it was a strange concoction of people. 

Through the turmoil I am recognizing the volume of wonderful people in my life. Antonio, family, friends everyone who has made this period that little bit more bearable. 

As ever I'm inspired by surfing and the salt water community and would like to take the opportunity to share some inspirations and likes of mine. 

Fashion

Gorgeous takes on the wetsuit alope.com.au

I love the retro but practical look of this bikini theseea.com

Love the boho vibe of this http://gypsealove.blogspot.co.uk/

Lifestyle 
 
Whats not to love about a community of water women?! For all your saltwater news, fashion and lifestyle, I've fallen for Salt Gypsy.

     





You know me I love anything fitness related especially if its free! Check out Wave Shape from the Calvera girls and some of the awesome yoga videos on youtube, here's a selection of my favorite. 

 

Tara Styles Yoga for fitness. 

 Get in wave shape! http://www.getinwaveshape.com/

Community 

I have found the mecca of all surf blogs, check out Mush Burger...

  *Warning* If you are easily distracted clicking on this site WILL cause procrastination.
You have been warned. Until next time water babies, 

Stay Strong, Surf Well 

Love Sophia  

xxx  


 

The Happiness State.

'It is possible that a starving African farmer has less sense of injustice than a middle-aged Western male who has never been fellated.' 
The Age of Absurdity, Michael Foley 

'One can live magnificently in this world. If one knows how to work and how to love, to work for the person one loves and to love one's work.' 
Tolstoy 

I am reading an excellent philosophy book (The Age of Absurdity) which has astutely recognized the impossibility of trying to define what happiness is, moreover its emphasised the sheer volume of definitions and how each one contradicts or cancels out the other. 

It therefore wouldn't be an exaggeration to admit that finding ones own solace in a modern world which tugs in various directions is an infinitely difficult task. 

Since I admitted on this here blog my struggles with happiness a strange thing has begun to occur. I've started to regenerate. That is to say I've tentatively begun to feel a measure of contentment. It is as though I've acknowledged that happiness is a fleeting and often nostalgic feeling and that by reflecting and recognizing this I give myself more opportunity to actually be happy. 

Alternative thought is that happiness isn't a state but a process, a continuous striving. Aristotle defined it as activity and the ancient Greek term eudaimonia translates roughly as flourishing - I like this idea to be happy is to flourish. 

I find this especially appealing because it has no attachments to material wealth or status, you can flourish at absolutely anything be it maintaining a herb garden or sitting by yourself watching the ocean.  

To me the simplest method of maintaining ones equilibrium is going for a walk. Travel however modest acts as a mirror and reflects back the thoughts and feelings we need to examine. Its also why surfing is such an integral part of my life, every part of the process is a journey which presents opportunity to be with myself and explore my own vulnerability. From the time I pack the rucksack, to the squeezing into of a wet suit, to the moment my body hits the water - I am an explorer discovering both my environment and the interior jungle which is my mind. 

At the nursing home where I am a supporter worker, the strawberry plant the service users and I have lovingly maintained, produced two perfect strawberries - it flourished. Yesterday I went for a walk with one of my best friends Craig into the woodlands, it was warm, quiet and a playground for two adventurous souls. One night when we thought my new perfume was aggravating my partners skin I without question jumped into the shower to scrub it off, a few minutes later I got a knock on the door and he joined me. 

Last night I attended the second meal out with an all female cast of acquaintances at a Thai restaurant in Birmingham. Although we're fairly new friends I started a conversation about a problem of mine and was delighted by the beautiful perspectives they all gave me. Each one of these interesting, diverse women took the time to analyse my predicament and produce their own interpretations. I looked around the table and felt monumentally grateful that I am both a woman and able to share my thoughts with other inspiring women.    

Today I rifled through my wardrobe relinquishing the feeling of attachment and donated all the clothes which don't fit, or I don't wear anymore to charity. Some items I will sell to afford my guinea pigs. 

You see, in life there are multiple opportunities to acknowledge small moments of beauty and derive a sense of wonder from them. 

On Friday I visit my doctor and will ask about being referred, I want to talk to someone and try to come to terms with old hurts and the pressures I place on myself. I like to think however that I've already entered a state of therapy by actively seeking out contentment in my everyday life. 

In the grand scheme of things of course I want to live by the ocean and be able to surf not once a month, but everyday if I so decided, but until that moment I chose to embrace all that I am, all that my life is and the pains which mould me. 

What does happiness mean to you? Tell me. Let's share and share alike. 

   

  

Until next time...

Stay strong, surf well 

Love Sophia

The F*%k It List.

I heard of the F!%k it list via a friend of mine and instantly fell in love with idea. Unlike the 'bucket list' which can lead towards being a little too inspirational (therefore more likely to be un-achievable), the F!%k it list is about setting yourself small goals which your actually going to be able to pursue. 

 For someone like me who has more ideas than hot meals this is the perfect antidote to fatigue. Whilst I'm fighting the blues this is exactly the kind of soft focus I need, enough direction so I feel like I'm moving forward, but not so much that I become overwhelmed and don't do anything! 


My F%*k it list looks a little like this: 

1. Be creative through art and writing but most importantly do it for fun, don't worry about making a career off of it, do it for pleasure. 

2. Own guinea pigs and if possible call them 'Bodhi and Utah' (Point Break ref there)! Keep them indoors so cuddles are on tap. 

3. Learn to drive. Think surf bus Soph. 

4. Surf in South America and Asia - I have the opportunity to go to Peru with a friend whose a national, why am I not chomping at the bit to do this?! 

5. Be stable enough for a dog and responsible enough for my own place. 

6. Get a tattoo - a seahorse on my ankle to begin with. 

7. Grow flowers and vegetables in every space available think rain forest indoors. 

8. Meditate and do yoga - because it controls your crazy. 

This is for 2013 and I hope I can start ticking off some of those ideas, all of them are achievable so its up to me to make them happen! 

What would be on your F!%k it lists? Let's start a dialogue, tell my what yours are dear readers... 

- In other news - 

I've been trying the highly recommended WaveShape 30 day challenge, which is an awesome work out routine for getting you surf ready. There's nothing like having the UK's #1 surfer girl as inspiration. Its free and the WaveShape gang even provide a a workout list on spotify which is awesome! 

DO IT. 

For the workout click here and for the spotify list click here 

Water women are nomadic, passionate and healthy beings, here's a homily to them here! 

  

Stay strong, surf well! 

Love Sophia