To care.

'Don't put plasters over people's inadequacies,'  
 Graham Hobbs also known as my Dad.







































Interestingly I've met several surfers who work in the care industry. Nearly all that I've met are in professions which seem to have strong moralistic values, whether it be nurses, environmentalists, film makers or artists the majority seem to have a compassionate streak. 

So I wonder is this a quality inherent to all surfers? Do people who become wave walkers have DNA which makes them opt to pursue this lifestyle and work in sectors which encourage their compassion?

There is no direct correlation between my university degree (Wildlife Conservation Science) and the job I have now. Only to say that whilst out in Africa studying primates, I began to get to know communities around me and it was my interactions with them which made me ponder as the whether I was actually more a people person than I realized. 

Everything thats happened in the last few years has been in my peripheral and slowly crept into my consciousness unexpectadly to become tangible dreams and career moves. I'm currently working as a support worker as well as being a part time surfer, both of which appear to suit me. I didn't plan on working in the care industry but now that I'm here I don't regret the steps which led me to this place. Everyday I have the honour of participating in someone's day, enabling them to lead full and active lifestyles whilst maintaining their dignity and promoting their rights. Obviously I cannot talk openly about the people I work with for breech of privacy but I can say that I love my job and never feel like I don't want to go in, even if I am there for fourteen hours at a time. 

The only downside of being a carer is that it is almost impossible to switch that aspect of yourself 'off' so to speak. If one of the service users has a difficult day I take their problems home with me and worry until things are resolved. This goes for my friends also and for the men I'm with. 

I'm a mother without children and my desire to fix the world can sometimes cause me to burn out. I'm lucky in the sense that I have a support network in the form of family and friends who can stop me doing this. To be honest though the most steadfast method of bringing me back to myself is a bit of boardtime whether that be skateboarding or surfing.

That and travel. Travel is my solace and my cure. 

Even though I feel that I've sought and found great contentment in my everyday life there are moments when I miss doing the wildlife conservation stuff. Primates were always 'my thing' which is ironic because studying or working with them would mean being as far away from the ocean as humanly possible. 

Funny that. 

Today I'm going to Bristol City with my friend, hopefully I'll get to see some gorillas and other wonderful creatures at Bristol Zoo. 

I am constantly awed and rejuvenated by nature and the incredible creatures we share the planet with. Aren't we lucky. 

Until next time...

Stay strong, Surf well and love your world! 

x 

 

Chasing the wave.

'You were once wild here. Don't let them tame you.' 
                                                                         - Isadora Duncan

Is it a bit too obvious to use the metaphor of chasing waves as a homily to life?  Perhaps, but I do think water nicely illustrates the struggles we endure for those small moments of happiness (or when we manage to pop up nicely onto our board and travel down the face of a wave -wipe out free)!

Bob Dylan once wrote 'the wild unknown...where I could do no wrong,' the expanse of uncharted waters, places we've never been before. It is the wilderness of yet another decision that I find myself in and characteristically that familiar indecisiveness resurfaces. 

Every fiber of my body feels poised and ready for change, for years I have talked and waxed lyrical about adventure, about wanting to live voraciously and every time I have come to a juncture where change is a real possibility I retreated back into my day dreaming and found excuses not to do these things. The worst thing is I feel like its becoming a habit. When I have ideas I see my family and friends look upwards for half a second and I know instantly they think its another false start, Sophia is hypothesizing again. I don't blame them, I talk A LOT about things that I hope to accomplish, that I think might work. Sometimes ideas naturally come to a conclusion, something doesn't work out or it isn't feasible realistically. But more often than not I get cold feet and back out as opposed to real barriers being in my way. 

Dear reader, it must feel there's a lot of smoke and mirrors to this conversation today so please allow me to elaborate. Yesterday I traveled down to Bristol for a job interview. It was with another care company except this role is as an enabler, which basically means I'd be helping people with learning difficulties live independent lives i.e. getting jobs, meaningful activities and integrating into the community. The minute I walked into the place things clicked, I got on with the interviewers like a house of fire and I stayed an extra twenty minutes afterwards just talking with them about life. 

I really loved the vibe of the place and as I walked around Bristol I could see myself fashioning a life there. During a property search I even found a cottage with it's own horses I can borrow! One of the interviewers told me she's Devon based and commutes in,  -potentially I could be as little as 40 minutes away from the ocean - eventually when I have my driving license whose not to say its me that lives in Devon and commutes into Bristol! 

 (Below) Wall art from around Bristol City. 

I left Bristol feeling exuberant and certain of my decision to relocate. Its getting me in the right place for the masters, its an adventure and its independent living all the things I'm striving for. 

Except I didn't think about the realities of long distance on my relationship. I think I've suppressed thoughts about the logistics of a move to Bristol because I needed to understand my own motivations first. Do I really want put my fledgling relationship under that kind of pressure. Antonio has been wonderful, I mean he's been so supportive and has said adamantly that I should follow my dreams - he's kind of wonderful like that. 

In a way that's made things harder because the decision really is down to me now. I've had a little negative feedback about moving, I guess people can't understand why I'm uprooting my life to go do a job that's very similar to the one I've got here. 

Partly its because it means I can volunteer at Bristol Zoo, earn more money, set myself up for the masters I hope to accomplish next year. But its also for the adventure of it, for the challenge. Travel acts as a mirror, it reflects back your strengths and weaknesses and helps you find that innate power we all have curdling under the surface. 

I have this knot in my stomach, its time for me to make another decision and I flounder at the thought of taking action. I've grown up in a generation where we have too many choices, too many paths to investigate. I adore the freedom of choice but on occasion the infinite possibilities are overwhelming. 

I'm about to go for a run which I hope will bring me some clarity. We have to be kind to ourselves don't we so when there's decisions to be made we are in the right frame of mind to make the best choice for ourselves. 

Until next time 

Stay strong, surf well 

Love Sophia 

Me attempting to row in Stratford-upon-Avon 

I found this under my bed a box of dog things I'd collected for when I have my own dog! 

Extreme yoga! 

The Bungee Cord.

I've purposely stayed away from blogging. I needed time to sit with myself, to thoroughly explore the alcoves of my mind in order to understand what it was I both want and need. I've always felt RWHCS was a place of solace for me but naturally I do edit myself, I have to explain and reword to make a consistent post which speaks to my readers. Of course I'm always me, there is no use pretending to be anyone else as the real Sophia always shines through! 

I knew I needed a little distance to try and make sense of all my ideas about life and what I think I want to do. I relied on my usual methods, first I spoke to family, then friends and finally when I was still undecided I went and sat out in the garden with a green tea and solitude.

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to just sit still? To not just check something on facebook or send someone a text message. The first few times I tried sitting out in my garden I got distracted thinking about all the things I needed to do and how imperative it was that I found an answer to my eternal musings. 

Slowly my senses began to unfurl in my immediate surroundings until the bird song became acute and the flowers such vivid shades of beautiful. Finally I could hear what both my heart and gut instinct were trying to tell me. 

A wizened old soul contemplates life.

So here's the thing. 

After another dear friend passing away this year I found myself monumentally anxious. Anxious in the way that a small knot forms in your stomach and you have a hot itch at the back of your neck which feels like guilt. I felt like I needed to be doing something drastic. You know like the big life changing stuff - moving away, selling all my possessions to go pony trekking in Nepal. I'm 25 this year which is still only a quarter a way through my life (I'm planning on getting to 100). I've got loads of time but with all this death around me I was suddenly aware of my mortality and the hunger to be doing something noteworthy became insatiable. 

Those feelings of regret for not doing the masters degree (Global Wildlife Health and Conservation at Bristol) were blind sighting me, to such an extent I was finding it hard to sleep, or talk about anything else. I got it into my head that I needed to do it NOW, this year, to strike while the iron is hot. 

Except I can't do it this year because its a LOT of money and I have no time to adequately save. So taking the advice of a friend I gave it a week to mull it over, could I realistically afford to relocate in two months to Bristol, to save up enough for living expenses and to organize a loan from the bank?

The answer was no. 

But something amazing happened, through all this turmoil I was able to hear myself, I mean to say that I was able to recognize a little fist of determination balled up inside me, I've found my passion, its there, I mean it was there all along. I know exactly what to do. 

So this is the new (rough) plan. I'm going to try to relocate to Bristol this year and get myself set up, I'm talking house, job etc etc so next September when the Masters comes around I can reapply confident that I have the means to support myself and make the most of it. 
In the mean time I'm going to learn how to drive, volunteer, live voraciously confident that my life is in process and I'm making strides towards the future I think is mine. 

I can see it vividly, it is so tangible I feel like I'll wake up there tomorrow. I see a beach, I see a dog, my dog making paw prints in the sand. I'm holding the hand of the man I love who looks at me with the same adoration we felt when we first started dating. Under my arm is a surfboard and in my heart I feel content, that ordinary, everyday kind of happiness that's the best kind of happiness to have. 

Perhaps I'll travel and work with primates or teach children about conservation. Maybe I'll own a vegan cafe or a yoga school or maybe I'll be a care worker happy living for the now. All these realities are fine by me because I finally recognize that I'm able to comprehend suffering, learn from it and grow - or at least that's the school of thought I'm going with! 

A dear friend of mine told me this story recently: 

A Buddhist monk upon enlightenment began laughing hysterically. Confused the other monks asked 'What is so funny?' The monk replied that upon enlightenment he finally realized that everything was already perfect. 

Even in despair your life is perfect, you are exactly where you need to be and will grow and learn from your experiences. If I could offer any advice to postgraduates or anybody lost wondering what to do with themselves, I'd tell you to have patience. Everything is an opportunity to learn and whilst not knowing what to do with your life can drive you crazy sometimes, its all an important part of life and you'll be ok. 

Like my dear friend Victoria once said to me. Go, live somewhere else take a chance, life is like a bungee cord you'll always bounce back and have friends and family to support you if you want to come home. Right on sister! 

This weeks inspiration.  

 

 

 

I'm starting on my driving lessons this week so when I start to flake, or make excuses that I don't want to do it remind me that this is what I'm striving for!

Until next time mermaids, water babies, land lubbers and everyone else in between...

Stay strong, surf well! 

x