Joey's death has caused me to think reflectively about a lot of things lately. Being as its Sunday and there's time and space for contemplation the family and I decided to get out old photo albums and look back at times gone by. Its a very weird sensation seeing yourself at various life stages, it reminds you of your old dreams and aspirations and how much potential you really do have still...
I had a very idyllic childhood growing up, my parents were/are still deeply in love and my memories are often garden based or about all the pets we had. Its not a stretch of the imagination to understand my current obsession with the natural world therefore!
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| Art in your pants, still fun. |
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| Rocking dungarees before hipsters adopted them. |
I cringed as I started to come across the teenage photos, I remember it being a particularly grotty period of my life namely spots and bullying. I maintain to this day however that I was a much nicer person back then. At that time I felt like my outside appearance wasn't all that great, so I made a special effort to ensure that my personality made up for it. As for the bullying that weirdly gave me strength and determination to do well and prove those bullies wrong. I wasn't just the geek or the weird girl who talked about environmentalism too much!
Of course I'm still that girl, I can't change those things but now I feel like I own it, I've grown into the person I'm supposed to be. So what if I'm a massive geek and eco chick!?
I'm very sensitive to other people's moods and I care deeply if I think I've upset someone, but thanks to being bullied I am very good at not letting negative people get to me too much. Sure I have my moments, who doesn't, but I wear what I want, have my own opinions and feel that I'm a very tolerant, open minded person.
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| Prom (and the bargain dress I got from the Chinese Quarter of town)! |
Whilst I'm currently loving my support worker role I know this isn't forever. Its a back breaking, heart melting, wonderful, low paid, awful, glorious job. I feel my purpose has and will always be giving a voice to nature and striving to protect all her beautiful creatures. That being said, being a support worker is helping me empathize massively with others and stop thinking about myself all the time (she's says whilst writing a very self indulgent blog)!
The beauty of this stop gap job is the space its giving me to think about what I really want to do in life. I'm broke but I'm not destitute, I've got enough cash in my back pocket to start saving away to help make more concrete plans.
*MUST LEARN HOW TO DRIVE*
(...and no not motorbikes this time Sophia)!
For a very long time my goal in life was to be a vet. At 14 I was already career minded and volunteered in a veterinary surgery every Friday for two years. I cleaned out stomach tubes, helped a cat give birth, comforted a dog before it was sedated, fed a hedgehog, I did all sorts. Then at 16 I became a zoo keeper. Practically I was ready to be a vet but then A-level chemistry happened. And Biology. And Physics. Despite having a tutor, revising so much that I hardly ever got out the house, I still didn't make it.
Loosing out to veterinary science was my first big heartbreak.
Now I'm older, wiser and possibly have more potential to get into vet school, I'm wondering if five years of slog and debt is a possibility hmmmm...
As ever this is another idea of a million that I have. But I'm enjoying having time to explore all of my dreams because one day they might just bear fruit!
What did you want to be when you were young and have you achieved your goal?
Everybody Wear Sunscreen.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life...
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium.
- Baz Luhrmann
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| The house that made me! |
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| Ruby rat one of my great friends! |
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| I was destined for Buddhism... |
Stay strong, surf well
x
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