Mess.

I like you because your a mess just like us. 
           - Rae Earl, My Mad Fat Diary  
                             

     





































I've been a mess before, a glorious mess and I suppose there will be plenty more moments in this lifetime to be so again. Much like a wipe out a loss of control can be a great opportunity to learn something. Experiencing the graft required to get yourself out of a slump is the perfect antidote to apathy and disillusion, mess teaches us of our frailty so we don't take strength for granted.  

Take for instance my art, when I paint I tend to have a Tasmanian Devil like approach, paper flies everywhere, there are magazines piled high and books for inspiration, glitter dust, shells, odds and sods, all manner of detritus littering my floor and cloistering in every available space of my room. 

The music is amped up and I lose myself, I allow every particle of my body to go with the flow and really be in the moment. Art sets me free much like surfing. I don't pretend to be a 'proper' artist as most of my paintings/drawings are for fun, they aren't technical and don't require much thought but I sometimes wonder can I call myself an artist anyway?? 

This happened when I was cleaning my brushes, you see beauty in messiness!

This picture shows only half the mess I made. 

I love paint on my hands makes me feel like a 'proper' artist!

This might well just be a picture of a plug hole. 

Just because its not salt water doesn't mean I don't love it! 

I currently have a project. A creative project. I'm flirting with the idea of (another) career change this time into Art Therapy. 5 days working as a support worker has thrown me into a tumultuous love affair with care work and having an inspired conversation with a colleague (and a little further research) has fueled my curiosity for art therapy. I've never pursued anything creative before because I've valued it too much, but like my wanderlust, creativity is such an integral part of my makeup. I didn't want art to become about grades and deadlines but the thought of combining creativity with helping people- Well. Like I said, I'm curious. I loved running art classes in Ethiopia and again with the refugee youth in Handsworth. Art has so much potential... 

So I'm starting to put together a portfolio. Like a proper artist's memoir, all the odd bits of work I'm bringing together to make a 'collection.' Can you guess what the theme is?? 

The messiness which follows my creative process has conjured memories of being a mess myself (when I say a mess I don't mean not washing or forgetting to shave my legs)!
I've never had depression or mental illness but I think I've flirted pretty close and have lived/known enough people to understand elements of the various sorts.

I started thinking about my first ever surf trip to Brittany and what a hot mess I was then. In a matter of days I'd lost my boyfriend, my purpose (I graduated), my home, independence and on top of that I was grieving and exhausted from trying to help someone through some pretty serious stuff.

Brittany at that time was like an Oasis in a desert of sadness. In the week I was there the ocean pulled me out of myself and I regained a little balance - Sand between my toes, wholesome food, breezy days, sunshine and cold water. Surfing in France helped me acknowledge I was in a bit of a mess and that I had infinite opportunities to sort myself out. 

Believe it or not I actually wasn't posing here I was so caught up thinking I didn't notice my Peruvian friend Keli taking some snaps! 

Where it all began. The great love of my life surfing.  

I think what I'm trying to say in an over philosophical way is that its ok to not be ok. Being vulnerable and allowing yourself to truly feel sadness means your in a better position to understand happiness as being a real gift. 

Cherish yourself for all that you are. 

Stay Strong, Surf Well 

Love always 

Sophia 

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