*Seeking

'Call him a slow learner, "retarded" and write him off as ineducable and you have an Albert Einstein.'

- Phillip Baker

'Never, never, never, never give up'

- Winston Churchill

There was a girl I  used to know. She always had ambitions and did not let poor grades, social ostracising or any other problems hinder her momentum. This girl took risks, travelled when people told her she was too young and too vulnerable as a woman to do so. She loved voraciously and though sometimes fearful, she overcame the interior voices which tried to hold her back.

This girl is was me.

Lately I've felt so lost. Continued striving to find full time employment has left me feeling disillusioned and uninspired. You see for most of my life I've been conditioned by the doctrine of 'Achieve,' the endless pursuit of 'something' we're made to strive for in Western education. So naturally when my academic pilgrimage failed to deliver fruition I've struggle to define who I am and what my place is in the world.  

Our externalised living fails to appreciate the most basic of understandings, as said by Zig Ziglar;

'we are all endowed with the seeds of greatness...'

We all have something to contribute to our society to better change our world and make a positive lasting impact. For the last few weeks I admit to feeling completely lost. I don't know what I want anymore, what's my niche, what's my specialism?

I realise this is part the battle, acknowledging that something needs to change within my life and it starts with where I decide to dedicate my energy. I need to find my passion again.

Distance from my Buddhist practises has perhaps helped me forget that externalised living e.g. wealth, status, accolades never delivers true happiness. We are human beings therefore we must be.

'Character is all about being...doing is simply the reflection of our inner core...'  

You may have noticed a distinct lack of posts about surfing recently too. This is largely down to two things:

1) My current land locked status

2) Not wanting to dwell on being land locked.

If I think about my lack of surfing too much I become like the dog with a flea behind the ear. I can't hack the longing and the feeling that I'm wasting valuable surfing time.

This anxiousness has been really well investigated by the following article in the San Diego Reader >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The Selfish Pursuit

Consistently chastitsing myself for not surfing and not having a full time job is not a healthy pastime. So instead I'm going to try and take a different tact.

Firstly I'm going to pick a niche. I'm going to do brain storms, have long walks, talks, I'm going to do everything possible to discover my passions again, my dreams.

Alongside this I'm going to rediscover my Buddhism, I need to reacquaint myself with my practise and appreciate the importance of cultivating inner contentment as opposed to focusing on my current situation.

Thirdly I'm going to find a job, any job and not be ashamed that its not exactly my career aspiration, as long as I'm working towards something then the graft is merely an essential step towards attaining that goal.

And finally I am going to remember to find joy in being, of enduring and never giving up:

'Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved'

- Helen Keller

P.s. A surf film to inspire...