Adventure is an attitude.

I'm sending my love to the ocean, to the people who have made me who I am today and to the people I've yet to meet. 

I love you all. 

<3

My heart is a little weary of late. 

I feel like my behavior recently has been so distant from who I really am that I barely recognize myself. 

This probably is sounding very cryptic but I mean it to be that way, I cannot adequately articulate how I've arrived at this thinking or wish to disclose more than really necessary. 

All I know is that I've been bombarded with options lately and rather than feeling energized by the potential of them all I've felt lost. 

I have had a bit of a revelation this Valentines morning. 

In the cold harsh light of a February day in England I realized I've been suppressing an aspect of myself, an important aspect which in many ways defines me. 

Up until recently I've felt guilty for my wanderlust I've been suppressing this side of me, thinking of it as something bad and irresponsible but now I'm wondering if denying this part of myself is whats making me so sad and confused. Travelling is me.

I've started to think that the only thing that needs to change is not the travelling itself but the set up. Instead of flitting I should pick somewhere and commit to trying to set myself up there. So. I've begun letting my thoughts drift to New Zealand...

 Ages ago in a surfer girl mag I read an article about a place called Raglan which I must have lodged in the back of my mind for safe keeping. Now I can't stop thinking about it. Surf. Check. International hippie community. Check. Nature. Check.

 I have friends that upped and left to go live in New Zealand literally in a matter of months and so I guess I'm beginning to wonder why not me too??

Now I understand this is a tad cliched; 

'British girl runs off to New Zealand to go find herself,' 

- but I'm seeing this as a template, stoking the fire if you will. You know from my many exuberant ideas a lot of the time they fall through (they are documented fairly well on this here blog), I bounce from idea to idea as I'm naturally a quite flippant person. I think however allowing myself to be emotional and explore the adventurous side of my personality might actually help me reach some kind of decision about where I want to be in life. Or more importantly how to cultivate inner contentment. 

It doesn't matter if I fail or don't go, right now I just need to embrace my curiosity and wanderlust to regain a bit of balance.

Forgive me if this is a bit of an inner monologue I just find great solace in writing to you dear blog reader whoever you might be... 

Adventure is an attitude and I'm about ready for an attitude change. 

Stay strong, surf well 

x