Wave Rider.

"Where but the moment before was only the wide desolation and invincible roar, is now a man, erect, full statured, not-struggling frantically in that wild movement, not buried and crushed and buffeted by those mighty monsters, but standing above them all, calm and superb, poised on the giddy summit, his feet buried in the churning foam, the salt smoke rising to his knees, and all the rest of him in the free air and flashing sunlight, and he is flying through the air, flying forward, flying fast as the surge on which he stands. He is a Mercury-a brown Mercury. His heels are winged, and in them is the swiftness of the sea.”

                                                  - Jack London 

Inspiration.

Sometimes we all need a little visualization to keep our chins up and our hearts open. 

Stay strong, surf well. 

 

Watch this film. Read this Zine.

  

Exposure.

Meditation 637. Exposure

Life is full of exhilarating risks - the risk of meeting,

the risk of loving. We must throw ourselves into these

risks with all our hearts. We cannot be whole without exposure. We cannot be happy standing still. 

 

Last week I watched 'Africa' the BBC's latest wildlife documentary enraptured. In the opening scenes we became embroiled in plight of baby sea turtles to reach the ocean. At only 7cm long they are incredibly vulnerable not only from the epic journey they must undertake, but from predators at every angle. At the end of the scene the velvety tones of our beloved national treasure, David Attenborough coined the word resilience. 

I exhaled realizing I'd been holding my breath for the entire sequence. I'd also been absentmindedly clutching my necklace which just so happened to be a turtle?! I found it randomly and haven't taken it off since, the plight of baby sea turtles has become a symbol to me of resilience of not giving up. 

As the author of a personal blog I regard it as something of a duty to reflect on all aspects of my life both good and bad. I also maintain the need to have some boundaries between my online life and my personal one. 

So without fear of giving too much of myself away I tentatively tell you of my sadness, my melancholy is loved shaped and that is enough information for now. 

The more love that you feel, 

the more your little heart will ache.

- Jack Johnson 

I know diligent yoga practice and meditation is what I must do, I need to be focused if I ever hope to cultivate inner peace. Now is the time for healing, for surrendering to the forces of suffering in order to truly understand resilience. If I cannot understand all the angles which shape my sadness then I cannot find happiness. Break ups are like bereavement you grieve for the relationship lost. I am trying to send my beloved love and light when I miss him because he is a good person and then continue forward in the hope I'll regain my balance. 

So what now? 

I need to surf because it reconnects me. I want to absorb yoga and Buddhism so the philosophies become ingrained in me not just hollow mutterings. I'm frightened to be starting over but this is life, this is learning. 

I'm so incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to love a man, a good man who I will hold in highest esteem but now I must accept our chapter has ended and that its time to move on. 

It is tempting to get horribly drunk, run away or dive head first into a new relationship. Self attachment to desires such as these seldom lead to inner happiness. Instead I'm devouring Buddhist philosophy. I know I sound a bit hippie dippie and as though I'm clutching at ideology to find solace, but its more than that, Buddhist writing to be perfectly honest is pretty dam harsh.

It  dwells on death, it talks about suffering as an inevitability and tells you to identify your faults. I'm beginning to reflect and acknowledge that my behavior played a pivotal role in the demise of an otherwise good relationship. I wasn't cruel, or mean or unfaithful but I allowed my own personal disarray to distort things. Its a lonely place when you realize you have no one else to blame but yourself but despite these seemingly bleak philosophies Buddhism is proving to be like quenching a life long thirst, I didn't realize how much power we have, how much potential there is to do good and be good. Weirdly enough I'm starting to feel positive again, almost myself. 

I'll be learning from this life lesson. 

Distraction. 

If I can give the love lorn any advice it would be to distract yourself during the early stages of a break up. Be gentle with yourself, eat well, exercise and above all be with people you cherish. This time is helping me realize I am surrounded by wonderful people all of whom have made an immeasurable difference to me in a difficult time. 

I caught up with one of my best friends Adam who is soon off to Alaska/Patagonia/wilderness places to complete his mountaineering course. Gnarly doesn't even cover it. 

I love train journeys and English Northern towns.

When music hits you feel no pain! 

AMAZING vegan sundae/decor at The Coven, Wigan (UK)

Sometimes just being silly with a friend is all you need! 

The Turtle necklace <3 

Blog posts may be a little few and far between whilst I'm getting my life back in order but I'll try to be consistent. I want to set an example and not desert you when things get a little tough. So until next time...

Stay strong, Surf well 

X

North Sea Surfing.

Go pro's - great for landscape pics not so great for girls with curves!

Surfing in wet suits so thick you feel like your wearing a tire,  hail storms and freezing temperatures do not sound like ideal surfing conditions. Despite a barrage of reasons for not surfing in January in the UK ( think snow storms, numb hands and hypothermia) surfing the North sea was one of the most magical things I've done in my short twenty four years. 

Amazingly my two hour train ride from Birmingham to Saltburn went without a hitch and despite only technically meeting Jemima my surf companion once, (and rather briefly in the University library before I graduated), we became as thick as thieves minutes after seeing each other again. That's what I really love about surfing the fact that it binds people. It's such a positive, uplifting experience you can't help but make friends. 

You know the best thing of all? I actually surfed, I mean I managed to catch more than a few waves on purpose. The magic happened, I can't explain it but something just seemed to click, I was in the right place at the right time and was actually standing up! I've been pretty quick to criticize my surfing of late, heck my email is sophia.cant.surf! Its largely because I don't like to take myself too seriously, surfing is about having fun and not worrying about how you look. I'm starting to wonder however if perhaps I should be re-labelled to: 

'Sophia can almost call herself a surfer just give it a bit more time,' 

Surprisingly we were so toastie in our wet suits/hoods/booties etc. 

The goofy smile plastered across my face didn't leave me all day, nor did it leave me the next. That's what I love about surfing happiness practically throbs within you after a session in the waves. Something about the sea sets you free and allows you to focus on only the task at hand - surfing. 

Surfer girls! 

Thank-you North Sea for giving me happiness.
Thank you Jemima for reminding why I must try to surf more
Thank you Nick the local surf legend for opening up the surf shack on a day where most people would be tucked up indoors. 

Stay strong, surf well. 

X 

Winter Surfing.

I LOVE the snow, I love the way it falls, the way it settles on seemingly ordinary things, to make them look beautiful and above all I love playing in it. What I don't love is having booked train tickets to take me half way across Britain having to nervously wait for travel forecasts telling me my travel fate. 
I'm winter surfing this Saturday, the first time I ever have and I'm all nervous and excited like a father waiting to meet his newborn. 

I really, really want to go surfing. I don't care if I turn blue from cold, if I can catch a wave then it'll be worth it 
(I also won't lose a silly amount of money on train fare). 

Please let me be able to go surfing (and come home again safely)! 

So anyway, my surfer friend introduced me to the photographer Chris Burkard who simply takes the most breath taking surf shots. 
He's keeping me stoked for winter surfing with images like these... 
      

Endless Winter.

I came across the 'Endless Winter' series a while back and stored it away in my mind. Its a really great little documentary all about the pioneers in British surfing and knowing I'm soon to be going to the East Coast (hopefully) episode 5 'Britain's coldest waters' really summarized what its going to be like. The old time guys are seriously hardcore, lets hope I absorb some of their courage! 

 

Catch you later water babies and land lovers 

x 

Souls and Photos.

   

In the 19th century Native American people believed having their photograph taken stole their soul. I agree entirely with this sentiment especially when it comes to having my passport photo taken. Something about stepping into that little white box instantly strips me of life force. My skin is pallid, my eyes look dull and I have the appearance of being under the weather. Take a look at the picture below. 

See if you can guess which photos I sent off and which I didn't... 

I often get asked if I'm from a different country, in my time having being mistaken for Iranian/French/Romanian/Spanish and Italian (in actual fact I'm British). For the first time I can look at these photos and understand why people might think I'm another nationality, its the hair isn't it? 

So anyway. 

Photos have featured a lot this week, I stumbled upon some shots I took at Christmas time which I forgot about and I've noticed small things which have inspired me to take photographs, something I don't usually do. Here are my efforts. 

My bag fell open like this and struck me how its contents sum me up perfectly. Wildlife book and Tibetan prayer flags! 

I knocked my surfgirl mags over and they splayed in such a beautiful way I had to take a picture. I <3 surfgirl! 

Waiting for a train home I searched in my bag and found a notebook I didn't recognize. My beloved had written me a love note which infinitely cheered me up! 

Beauty is in the little things. 

This is a wall in my room. 

This is my Africa wall :)

Winter Surfing.

I'm stupidly excited to be going surfing this weekend in Saltburn UK, even if it does mean a wet-suit so thick I'm going to look like a truck tyre and the possibility of hypothermia. England tends to get a bit whimsical in the snow so I'm also really hoping trains still work so I can get my butt up to Saltburn...hmm...

Perhaps because I'm soon to be winter surfing the Universe has decided to keep dropping beautiful tropical surf photography in my lap, just to rub it in like. Below are some gorgeous images making me a teensy bit jealous of tans and bikinis.  

 

  

 

Stay Strong, Surf Well.  

X 

Captured Moments.

 

There's this video instillation in the museum which I'm temping at that's got me thinking. Its a film of a hand drawing on the back window of a car which is driving past greenery. Initially I sneered at it, in the 'I don't appreciate contemporary art' kind of way until I read the concept note. It was supposed to symbolize how we spend so much time trying to capture a moment that we stop actually experiencing it.  

I often catch myself wanting to take photographs or keep little tokens from an event (I have numerous scrap books from my youth filled with gig tickets and pieces of wrapping paper from presents I've loved)! Wanting to remember a moment isn't bad but being so preoccupied with capturing it that you forget to be there is. 

Working as a temp is proving to be a bit of a life lesson, it's teaching me to live in the moment as I never quite know where I'm going to be, when I'll be working or how much money I'll have. I'm still doing my refugee youth work but this is only a few hours at a time, so my weeks for the moment are very cut and paste. I'm beginning to find value in simple things, magpies on my walk to the train, reading a wildlife conservation book on the cramped commute, cups of tea after hours of standing and having Antonio surprise me at work, by popping in to say hi. Life is in the seemingly mundane moments, the little fragments of scene which make up the bigger picture. 

Time here is space. Space here is time.  

Funnily enough January is proving to be productive despite some set backs. I've applied to the masters course 'Global Wildlife Health and Conservation' at Bristol University which I'm crossing fingers and toes I get onto, I've taken up rock climbing again and I'm searching for full time jobs with a vengeance. Creativity is in surplus, I've got not one but two zines on the go and I'm feeling inspired all the time. To a spectator you could say within my that I'm treading water or stuck in limbo, but quite frankly I'm pretty darn happy! 

 

So this week (praying that the snow staves off by Saturday),

I'm going surfing near York!! I am so monumentally STOKED and excited that just mentioning it makes me shake in my boots for fear of jinxing it. I've reconnected with a University acquaintance, a fellow soul surfer who I think might be my surfing partner in crime. Isn't it wonderful the people who touch our lives? I think when you encounter passion in a person, someone who reflects your own hopes and ideals its important to keep hold of that kindred spirit, special people don't come along very often. 

Winter surfing in the UK...what could possibly go wrong? 

Today's Inspiration.

Surfspiration

If in doubt paddle out.

  

  

 

 (Your welcome ladies)!