Better Together.

Vintage Denim shirt thrifted for a mere £5, happiness is a 1970's heirloom! 

Today's blog post is a homage to the musician Jack Johnson and happiness. It was because of Jack Johnson that I was inspired to try surfing, if the ocean is the vector which carries me Jack Johnson was the catalyst. If you’re a regular reader here at Real Women have Curves and Surfboards (La Sirena is my nickname), then you are well acquainted with my honesty surrounding my struggle with sadness. 

It wasn't depression because I was never diagnosed or had to go on medication but I think it was pretty dam close, the fact that suicide became a viable option at one point is an indication of how serious my thinking was during those dark days straight out of uni. 

I'm able to talk about it because I'm determined to use my experiences and surfing as a vector for positive change. I want people struggling with mental health issues to try surfing and I hope as a soon to be trainee occupational therapist, that I'll be able to apply this in reality. Surfing has the capacity to influence so I hope my outreach can include adults and young people from all creeds and backgrounds. 

I've seen Jack Johnson twice in concert, once when I was happy and once when I was on the road to recovery. Recently on the Newquay surf trip, whilst being held by Mr Sunny a new land locked surfer club member began singing better together as we watched the sunset. A lump formed in my throat and I started to struggle to keep my composure. Here I was completely utterly blissed out and like a little sign from the universe one of my favourite Jack Johnson songs played. It’s my accompaniment to life, reminding me to savour the precious gift of happiness I currently have. 

I'm incredibly lucky to have found someone like Mr Sunny, its scary putting that down in words because you always run the risk of having it sabotaged but I think, like the Jack Johnson songs have reminded me, we must acknowledge our joy. 

So anyway...My vintage style Hawaii poster arrived from etsy, its another contribution to the surf art wall so I'm a happy surfer girl! Today the lovely Mr Sunny and I visited Twycross Zoo which felt all the more wonderful being that it was gloriously hot. I overheard a child declare that they were going to I quote 'have a penguin selfie' which is lingo completely new to me. Mr Sunny also ended up helping a kid spot a yellow bellied marten by literally holding him up Rafiki and Simba style. My ovaries were clapping the scene was so utterly adorable, here's some snapshots of our highlights! 

 

Until next time, 

Stay strong and surf well
Love

The Beauty of Sharks Eyes.

Some weeks are sent to test you and this has been one hell of a week. 
My yearning for the ocean has felt like unrequited love, exasperated I'm sure because of the chaos going on around me. 

A constant lesson in life is learning to go with the flow when situations spiral out of your control. There are instances when you can't fix things and you just have to blindly trust that you'll be ok. Whilst still very much in the thick of a bad week I'm trying to remind myself that hardships are the catfish of life, they make you agile, remind you that your alive and eventually make you stronger. 

You see the trouble I have is that one of my greatest strengths is also one of my greatest weaknesses. Ever since I was young I have wanted to please people, whether that be through helping them, being there as a friend or just trying to 'do the right thing.' The problem however is that you can't please everyone and often this is to my own detriment. When I let people down, which I inevitably do because I'm only human, I internalize and agonize over my actions or inaction until I drive myself half crazy. 

Its hard writing today's blog post in that I have to be vague enough to protect myself, which fights against my desire to pour my heart out to you dear readers. I so desperately want to sit down with you all, hand around tea and biscuits and share about how bad this weeks been. Instead I will tell you about small tidbits of everyday life which have helped me keep my chin up. In no particular order:

1) Hearing the Jack Johnson song 'To The Sea,' exactly when I needed to hear, it when my heart was at its heaviest. 

[To The Sea was the song which pretty much stopped me doing something silly and started a thought process which led to surfing which pretty much saved my life. The rest they say is history.] 

2) A service user I care for at the nursing home calling me a friend and hugging me after we spent an afternoon in the park together. We watched seagulls being fed by the lake and laughed as they flew around us like falling confetti. 

3) Work colleagues hugging me unexpectedly when I was lost in my own thoughts and feeling blue. Its funny how they are becoming actually really great friends. 

4) Making fresh wholesome food from scratch, seeing and feeling the benefits on my body. 

5) The Land Locked Surfers Club reminding me that there is always hope and something to strive for. 2014 promises to be another surf filled year. 

6) Having another lovely taxi driver ask me what my ethnicity is, I love being mistaken for being Italian, Romanian or Spanish (I'm as British as a pork pie)! 

7) Feeling loved and appreciated by my family. 

8) Realizing that if people aren't helping me grow, thrive and feel inspired then I have respect enough for myself to look elsewhere. 

Slightly off topic but have you ever looked at a shark's eye up close? 
Recently I've been thinking a lot about sharks especially because next year I'll be surfing in great white territory. I am quite naturally scared but I'm also quietly fascinated. In my current frame of mind sharks are offering me a philosophy. 

Look at self made fears closely because actually you might find them quite beautiful when you dare to examine them. 

I am no one in particular, in a world which barely registers my existence but if I can offer any advice it would be to not be so hard on yourself, edit where you need to edit, improve and initiate positive change but remember that you have your place and you are important. 

Until next time,

Stay strong, surf well 

Love

Radiate.

I saw this dude yesterday and when I say 'dude' I mean Jack Johnson (naturally). For three hours you could practically feel the love in the room, despite being in a prestigious symphony hall people got up and danced, we laughed and sang along to our favorite songs like we were in a friend's lounge. 

I've never been to a gig before and seen Marine Conservation Society and the Soil Association stands, in fact 100% of the tour profits are going to charity. 
Jack Johnson is that awesome. 

For me his songs go beyond just being music I like, it was listening to his album that stopped me from doing something very stupid. Its hard to talk about because its a period of my life I'd like to forget but I think its important to speak my truth so here it is. Jack Johnson saved my life, through listening to his music it made my mind focus on something other than feeling sad. Hearing the ocean in the background it inspired me to try surfing and the rest they say is history...

It was Bob Marley who originally said 'when music hits you feel no pain,' and the words have never been truer. Jack Johnson's music radiates happiness, he helps you live through your heart and above all to go surfing. 

Last night in a mood of utter mellowness I started to get excited about the possibility of living by the ocean, of surfing, being with my wonderful friends and finding love. Finding the kind of love that means I can slow dance to Jack Johnson's songs for no other reason than because we can't help ourselves. 

And in exactly 1 hours time I'll be going to Croyde Bay, Devon to go surfing with the Land Locked Surfers Club...

BEST WEEKEND EVER! 

Until next time, stay strong and surf well...

Fighting with salt.

I didn't think I could feel the depth of longing for salt water quite so much as I do now. Both tears and waves are what I need to cleanse me and revive me from the sadness howling around the caverns of my body. 

A dear friend of mine has died and the void which he's left behind within my life takes the breath right out of me. We hadn't spoken for ages but he was the kind of friend I assumed I'd randomly meet again on a beach somewhere. He was such a free spirit and well phones weren't his forte. 

His name was Joey and he was one of those rare kinds of people that made you think there couldn't possibly be anyone like him anywhere else in the world. Joey was the person who got me interested in veganism and was an influence for the surfing. It dawned on me that ironically Saltburn, the first destination for the land locked surfers club, is where he used to surf. 
I'm going to try my best to catch a wave in his honor. I want to sit on my board between the sets feeling the ocean move underneath me and thinking about our memories together. 

Joey being Joey.

Round one of an eating competition.

Beach gymnastics 

He used to talk to me at length about this poem called Jonathan Livingston Seagull which uses seagulls as a metaphor for life. I've started reading tidbits and am finding it really resonating with my thoughts. The shock of loosing Joey is immense and I don't know how to get my head around the fact he won't be around anymore, he was such a life force, an effervescing kind of person. 

If our friendship depends on things like space and time, then when we finally overcome space and time, we've destroyed our own brotherhood! But overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now. And in the middle of Here and Now, don't you think that we might see each other once or twice?
                                  - Jonathan Livingstone Seagull 

Over the last couple of days due to work I've had to bottle up my grief but at home, here in my own space, I find myself unable to stop crying. Its at times like these Jack Johnson cds are on repeat, his tropical melodies give me great solace and remind me that I can overcome sadness. 

I also keep thinking that I need to appreciate the wonderful people I surround myself with more and not take their mortality for granted. I don't want to feel regret for not making enough effort. Life is sexually transmitted and fatal so make sure you live it well. Go hug the person next to you and ring dear ones immediately or even better go see them and tell them exactly how much they mean to you. 

And lastly listen to this. 

Stay strong, surf well 

x